I stopped caring when my kid got cancer

Before cancer descended on Weir,Tx, I often said what I think. Only to my super close friends though. I never had a reason to really put my life out there for all the world to see and hear about, not that I never wanted to mind you, I'm a bit of an extrovert. But it was unnecessary.  As a hairdresser for most of my life I was used to listening to other people's problems and didn't need to share all mine with every passer by. Again saving the best for my besties. Ya'll are welcome by the way.
 I have been pondering the fact that many many many many, did I say many? Many folks have commented on my blogs/carinbridge post as so raw and real. My response is often um thanks, I think. In my head of course. I know it's meant as a compliment but it sounds odd. Sort of like the first thing my father in law said to Marck about me was that I was "refreshing". HAHAHAHA!!! Thirteen years later I see why, I'm not an uptight, always says just the right thing, wears just the right thing and believes just the right thing kind of Christian.
So ok, raw and real.... My close besties have not ever said that to me, even after reading the posts. Likely because they knew me pre-cancer. I remember one friend, who I wasn't close to until post-cancer, we were chatting about the gay marriage thing and I think she about DIED when I told her I'm not against it.
And with that last line I lost most of my readers.....
meh. Moving on.
I told her from a sanctity of marriage stand point the argument is stupid because if you're going to make a law based on keeping marriage holy and pure then please make cheating on your spouse, going to strip clubs, oogling some hotty at the pool and all the other stuff illegal as well. No? Then shut it about gay marriage already.
Anywho, the reason why this must have shocked her is she had a preconceived notion of me and who I am. A Christian. eekk, follows rules, has zero fun, never swears. My husband always says one thing he loves about me is I'm soo sweet and just a little bit crass.
Enter cancer. I bet you were wondering how this all tied in. Stay with me. I started writing about my precious child having a tumor to get info out and ultimately get some free therapy in the form of my writing. I've written forever but apparently I never had anything interesting to say. It came as no surprise to some that of course I said exactly how I feel, my mom for one to be sure. I never sugar coat things. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. The one thing I did pre-cancer that changed is I softened my beliefs in front of other Christians. I cared what they thought because for most of my Christian life I was concerned I never got it right. I've ample examples of why this was true. I remember my SIL mentioned to me that if I wanted to be in a "leadership" role at church I needed to dress a little different. I wasn't a hoochy or anything I just wore jeans and t-shirts. Apparently some Jesus loving folks are offended by jeans? I didn't BTW, I just didn't pursue a leadership role. I always knew Jesus loved me no matter what. I guess no one else figured that out yet.
After the big C I had LOTS of folks interested in our journey all of a sudden. Understandably so, but I'm fairly certain most were in for a surprise to find out the real Jen Weir just stood up. I couldn't hide from churchy people anymore and I didn't care. My kid had a life threatening disease and I was pretty scared. Having always been a journaler I treated the blog as such. Laying out the nitty gritty of my soul on "paper" was something I was used to doing. If you were to read my journals you'd see the same. I've told God how crappy my day had gone or how I wanted to sell one of my children that day. Know why? Because I knew He already knew it! No need to hide from God. Adam and Eve tried that, didn't really work.  I sort of forgot in my blogging that some people who didn't know me would be reading my personal thoughts. I stopped caring. I didn't care any more who thought I was crazy for home schooling, or who was offended at my frequent use of crap, damn and shitty. Or who thought my faith just wasn't where it should be at this point in my life. If Jesus is offended or I have stepped out of line with Him, don't you worry He will let me know.
I don't play make believe very good, just ask my kids. I don't do it well in real life either. I don't follow a list of rules very well either, mostly because I'm lazy and hate to "do" a lot of unnecessary activity. Jesus doesn't ask us to do this or do that. Wear this or wear that. Listen to this or that. He says "come to Me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. My burden is easy and light". I've always known that and lived that way, I just stopped caring when my kid got cancer if other people knew.