I realize I make many folks crazy this time of year with my constant chatter about Christmas music and Christmas talk. I thought I'd share with you all my reasoning for my love for the season and why frankly I'd love it if Christmas season were year round!
The reason I celebrate Christmas is because of Christ, not gifts. I love Christmas because I love Christ, not gifts. I like getting gifts, sort of, but I LOVE giving them. Really. What I love most about the season is how much it makes me focus on Christ. Throughout the year it is a daily reminder to myself that this life is NOT about me. It's not about my hopes and dreams, it's about His hopes and dreams for me. So my mind often struggles to look to Christ each day and seek out His will and His heart. During the Christmas season though I find it extremely easy to seek Him. It's everywhere around me. When I turn on my radio, when I think of the gifts I'm giving this year and even when I'm baking. After all, as I have mentioned in earlier posts food and eating is sooo biblical.
Mostly though my heart is focused on Him when I listen to Christmas music. Did you realize that most music we listen to between December 1st and the 25th is actually not " Christmas" music but beautiful hymns rich in history and worship? I'm fairly certain they have become "seasonal" due to our lust for more commercial and more about us. Why else would people get so crazy about playing Christmas music before Halloween? It reminds them of spending too early. It reminds us that we only have 50 shopping days.  It should remind us of Him, and His sacrifice.
Have you ever seen or heard Handel's Messiah?? When I hear the Hallelujah Chorus I can not help but shout at the top of my lungs, "FOREVER FOREVER HALLELUJAH!!! KING OF KINGS and LORD OF LORDS!" Right? Anybody else? Yes, my kids shrink down a bit in the car when I'm belting that out. Usually I'm alone. Think about it. If you know Jesus, is there a better sound than a hundred voices singing that chorus? Who cares if it's July 1st? It's says FOREVER, HALLELUJAH! Not, "It's DECEMBER! HALLELUJAH!".
Please forgive me for my passion and zeal for this season. It's the one time of year even people who don't know the Lord are singing about Him. It is a wonderful time of year. We are all so much more thoughtful, cheerful. I get so tickled when I hear the music at the market too. It makes everyone shop a little more happier. Why? Not because they are singing a Christmas song in their heads, but because they are singing about CHRIST. When our minds are fixed on Him, our attitudes change dramatically. Whether you like it or not that's what the season is all about.
Just ask Linus.
Please enjoy the link before. It's a bit unorthodox though I imagine Handel would have loved to see his piece sung at Macy's.
 http://youtu.be/wp_RHnQ-jgU

Home school kids are weird

Well, isn't that what you say when you think home schooling? I've said it. I've said it about my own children. *gasp*!
Dictionary.com defines weird this way;
1. involving or suggesting the supernatural,
2. fantastic; bizarre

Well, unless you're saying kids who are home schooled are supernatural, which from a godly perspective that is great, then you must be saying that these kids are fantastic.
Which I'm guessing is not the meaning behind the " home school kids are weird" comment. At least it wasn't my intention at first.

You see as we have gone on this adventure for the past 3 years, I have had all sorts if comments and concerns. Rightly so since home schooling is different. Different. There's another word thrown around when talking about home schooled kids. As I have watched my children grow in the past 3 years it has amazed me that what I thought was weird, really IS weird, but in the true sense of the weird. Fantastic and supernatural! My goal when I had kids was never to help them fit in. Or to help them be "normal". My husband and I have always been far from that. Hence the mismatched socks on Marck and the blue or pink hair I'd sport from time to time. Or the disdain we have for credit cards and would rather go without than have it now and be in debt. Being different has it's perks. No one expects you to be like them. They almost freak out if you do anything mainstream. However, when you pull something on your community like pull your kids out of school you're bound to get a bit more grief than if you'd just colored your hair pink and worn mismatched socks to the Kroger.

Weird. Here's how my kids are weird. Yesterday they played bookstore. Before that they turned out whole house into a train, complete with compartments and a dining car. (we've recently taken a train ride). For a halloween party they made their own costumes. weeeeird.
They have recently built a whaling ship out of Legos, from learning about Japan a few weeks back, last week Canon made a Parthenon out of playdoh. Greece you know. They have also painted laying on their backs after learning about Michelangelo and this week since we are studying Germany they have been playing Lego castles.

Their play isn't mainstream I guess.  They don't berate each other for being different, instead encourage each other's ideas. This is something I am deeply grieved about when I hear other kids do that. They build each other up and protect each other. Their whole world is learning and growing and becoming better people for the community around them. They have a desire for the lost in our world and the ones who are hurting. They think about heaven, a lot, and they wonder when they will get to go there. They are not concerned with other people think about them.

The word weird has taken on a whole new meaning for me. The appropriate meaning. I love that my kids wear clothes that make them look a step away from homeless, or at least blind. I love to see them express themselves with abandon. It tickles me to hear them dream of living in Thailand because it sounds like a place you wear ties, or to pray they get to see a real castle someday soon. I'd rather they be "weird" and dream and create and grow and become fantastic people than to mold into mainstream and be lifeless and dull. My guess is Einstein, Lincoln, the Wright brothers, Amelia and all the rest of those lovely people were considered weird. And truly they were fantastic! Aren't you glad they were?

9-11.....

I found myself oddly sad this week with all the talk of 9-11 memorials coming up for tomorrow. I mean, I wasn't in New York City, or Pennsylvania, or even Washington DC that day 10 years ago. No, I was sleeping with my precious newborn baby boy when my husband called to tell me a plane had ran into a building. 
Yet I feel sad each year as the date passes. I guess I feel sad because of how the world changed for me that day. As a new mom everything was scary anyway. Now our country was thrust into a war that we never wanted to get into. As an Army brat I knew that terrorism could be scary. I had heard my parents talk when I was growing up about things that most kids my age didn't have a clue about. Bombs exploding places, men being killed in training accidents. Nope, my parents apparently didn't believe in sheltering. Ha! But I never really expected anything bad to happen in the States. That stuff happened where all the crazy people live. 
On that day I remember my grandma called to check in on me and the baby. She said something that I will never forget. She said that she remembered when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and that my generation didn't have any idea what this all would mean for us. 
I thought about that and how she must have felt, being 75 years old watching history repeat itself. Watching an attack in our nation yet again. Knowing that it would cost countless more lives in the months and years to come because of impending war. 
Ten years have passed so quickly. I imagine though for all the families that lost loved ones that day it passed like a snail in a snow storm. I imagine that for families who have lost their babies to an ugly war in Afghanistan time has also crept along. For the rest of us, we've continued to have babies, move houses, embark into little league, and just move forward. 
September 11th didn't really change how I lived, I've had other life changing events occur that did. But it did make me see the world differently than I had previously. I heard a 9-11 survivor say recently, " when death comes knocking on your door it WILL NOT matter what kind of house you live in. It WILL NOT matter what school you went to or what job you had." 
Death will come for all of us one day and when we look back, what will we have done? Have we made peace with God? Have we lived for Him or ourselves. It doesn't matter if you don't believe in God, when we leave this planet He will be there waiting. 
As I remember this event in our nations history I'm reminded of a quote from Edmund Burke, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."  
I hope that as a nation and as individuals we would see the world different. We would see that to do nothing in this life is to let evil triumph. To live for One who created us to do good in this world is far greater than gaining goodies and accolades. To look out not for our own interests but also for the interests of others.

Mayberry's not all it's cracked up to be

Yesterday there was a shooting in our community. As I watched that on the news I got a little home sick.

Apparently some drug deal gone bad, as if those ever go well. A few weeks ago there was a murder at the local Wal-Mart. Nothing good happens at Wal-Mart. A couple of months before that there was a murder and the body was found in our town. What?? How could all this be happening right here in our own sweet little piece of Mayberry?
Recently we had the blessing of being at a family camp and our week consisted of families who have or currently have kids with cancer. Wow. Amazing. Since I've been home it's been hard to get back to life in Frisco.  Not for the typical, " I want to still be on vacation" reasons. My reasons were deeper than that. We met some incredible families. Families that as you might have guessed had some crappy things going on. Not once during the week did we chat about the Vera Bradley store going in at Stonebriar. Not once did anyone mention they couldn't find just that perfect shade of green to go with their curtains. These people had much bigger issues going on. They didn't have time or likely energy to worry about such trivial things.
Tonight I mentioned to a few ladies that Frisco is too Mayberry. As I looked at their visibly shocked faces it hit me why I detest the Mayberry-ness of our town. Mayberry is vanilla. Plain, boring, routine.  We go day to day worrying about our silliness that we forget there is a hurting and dying world not 30 miles from here.
We forget that not even 2 miles down the road folks are going hungry as we sip our $5 lattes.
I am including myself in the worries of the mundane. Someone recently said to me I needed to come back to earth and be thinking about Weir, TX.  Weird. I've never been told to think about my own family and it made me want to scream.
I've written about this before but going down to Dallas weekly for awhile opened my eyes. I had been trapped in Mayberry for 6 years thinking only of our family and what schooling to give my children,gosh, should we public school or home school? Will they be too unsocial? Will they be made fun of because they don't play sports? Um, yep and yep. When we lived in Ca hurting and needy people were everywhere. There was always a homeless person outside of Trader Joe's, or at least in the back. You could count on the guy selling oranges and the end of the freeway ramp. I miss his oranges... *sigh*
When I worked in Santa Monica there was a homeless man who lived literally on our doorstep. No one shooed him away, we gave him lunches and dinners. Money, whatever we could.
So the shootings. While I'm not excited that there is seemingly random violence in our town, I am excited that the yuck of the world has found it's way to Frisco. I'm excited that there might be drug dealers in our community that we can reach out to, who need to know there is Someone who loves them and longs for them to know Him. I'm excited to think there would be things that happen in our community that would stretch us and grow us. I'm not just talking about bringing a meal when bad news comes from the doctor.
 I understand many would want it to just go away. I get that. Feeling safe is nice. It's well, safe. BUT, personal growth never happens when we're feeling safe. We can never look past our own fancy pants to see needs of others if we're comfortable. At least I can't.
A year ago I was fretting about how I was going to survive 10 days without my husband with my 4 rugrats while he traipsed off to Russia. Now I look back and think how sad and selfish. How sad that I would not long to have some sweet time with my people and how selfish that I would even think of not wanting Marck to serve Russia and love on those people.
Mayberry, a place to raise your family in utter safety without a hint of ugliness. However, I have learned that in Mayberry there's a huge focus on safety and comfort. I long to have Weir,TX focused on character development and others who are in need.

Phew! We made it!

Here we are, May 25th and we've made it! My goal was to be finished with school the 26th, before hubby's and my birthdays( after all who wants to teach on their birthdays!), and we are! Looking back on our year this my friends is nothing short of a miracle. On our second day of the school we got a lovely phone call that changed our lives forever. And turns out changed the big plans I had for this school year. We were going to go on field trips to museums and train rides and factories that made bread! Heck it was going to be the best school experience my kids had ever had. That wasn't the way things went down. Our fab field trips turned out to be just Children's hospital at least once a week with an overnight stay that wasn't exactly the Hyatt. When most of Texas was hunkered down because of ice storms and worried about when they will see the outside world again, we were traipsing all over DFW getting tests and lymph nodes removed.
Throughout the year I had been known to throw a tantrum at the Lord and shake my sorry fist at Him and say" this wasn't my PLAN!!" "This SUCKS!!". I was not only mad at the reason for the interruption but the fact that we couldn't do all the things we planned. The kids didn't learn a lick of world history or geography like I had planned. Would they be illiterate? In one of rants and raves I suddenly realized all that was fluff. God showed me if they are reading, writing, and doing math, they are perfectly fine. But me being the type A over achiever that was hard to swallow. It was hard to take that my perfect plan was not only interrupted but it would never come to pass. So gently God whispered, " you ways are not My ways". Oh snap! No kidding right? I had forgotten that through praying for healing for Zion that God was also working a work in everyone else in Weir,Tx. He was working on our characters, our view of the rest of the world. He was drawing us closer to each other and to Him.
So where my children didn't take a lot of tests, and they may not yet know how many countries are in Africa,(hell husband can't tell you that either), but they can tell you about a little girl who is fighting for her life that they pray for often. They can tell you what it means to give your extra pennies to buy a toy for a child who is getting some awful tests done that day. They can tell you that they know how to pray for their brother to not get cancer again. My favorite part is that if you asked them who their best friend is they would say without hesitation it's each other.  I love how close we are now. I love that instead of sticking to my rigid curriculum I check in with the Lord and see what He wants to work on.
God's plan is truly amazing. My goal for the 2011-2012 school year is to listen to His voice and follow His plan for our family. That and watch the summer Olympics! :-) Maybe His plan would include us going to London?? Happy Summer friends!!

She's eight now...

Oh my baby girl turned 8 today! I can't believe she's so old now! Eight feels huge. As I watched her open her gifts and enjoy her time at Amazing Jakes I couldn't help but feel a little sad. In 10 years she will be headed off to college. I know, that's a long time off. But not really. Just a minute ago I was rocking her to sleep in our California home as a new born. Just a blip ago I was swaddling her up tight so she'd sleep through the night. Eight years flew by so I'm sure 10 will go even faster.
 As I watched her with her head phones in her ears playing cat physics, I thought here we go. The time when the ears are plugged and the tuning mom out begins. It can't be here already! I'm not ready to vie for her attention. I'm not ready to compete with outside information. Ready or not here it is.
So she's 8. Not a huge age but still some how it feels big to me. Maybe with her brother on the horizon of 10 and littler brother starting kindergarten this fall everything is sailing past me.
I'm reminded tonight that this moment is passing to quick. The bible reminds us that we are here today and tomorrow we are like faded flowers. I am reminded tonight that my baby girl isn't a baby any more. She is all too quickly growing into a young lady and soon a young woman.
I pray that as she continues to grow time wouldn't pass too quick.That we'd celebrate each day as if it were her special day. I pray that though I say I try to live everyday on purpose with her, that I actually would. Lastly I pray she would know how much she is treasured in Weir,Tx. Life is so full and so rich with Eden Weir in our midst.

It's been a week, and I'm still giddy!

Yep, a whole we since In and Out graced us with it's presence. Can't you just hear the angels in heaven singing?? No, wait til Trader's comes! Then you'll hear it!
Over the past week I have been so amused at all the Fb postings about this glorious place. Really, all the slander. All the hatred over why on God's green earth would we ever stand in line for a burger. After all it is just a burger. I mean, I have read some pretty hateful things. Really. To top it off there was a woman at baseball the other day who was ready to SPIT NAILS she was so irritated about the line. She say's, ugh, IT"S JUST A HAMBUGER!!". And she was all sour puss looking when she said it. To which, of course I told her to simmer down Missy. Some of us enjoy the lines and the stupid burger. :-)
It's made me laugh really at my community and how people get worked up over the DUMBEST things. That's me shouting BTW. What does it matter to you if I stand in a line for hours for a burger? Why does it bother you soo much? The same folks complaining about people standing in line are the very same ones who think nothing of spending crazy money on sports, phones, or electronics for their kids! You don't see me picketing and rioting on FB about it do you? Nope, I let them be crazy in their own way not even mentioning the fact that their kids might turn out to be monsters later in life. Yep never say a word about it.
It's just been hilarious. I've never in my life seen so much uproar over a hamburger. I imagine that In and Out would thank all those people who got so bent out of shape. Likely because of them those who wouldn't have even given it a thought now are curious and head their way to spend their money. I guess I should thank them. More interest in the place will keep it thriving that much longer.
Some people value gadgets, some clothes, still others cars. Me, it's food. Food and coffee. I'm giddy it's here! I'm over joyed Trader's is coming. I have mentioned but in case you forgot, there is going to be a feast in heaven remember! I believe God is giddy over food too. :-)
Just one more reason why this place is fantastic... Twisted Root for our family of 6: $72, In and Out for our family of 6: $20.

In and Out...What is that Hamburger All About?

As most of you know I have waited with baited breath for In and Out to open. I promise you when I tell you that I have prayed for one to come to Texas, believe me I  have PRAYED. I also prayed for Trader Joe's to come and looky here! It's coming!! Never underestimate the power of prayer.
Sorry, I digress. So here we are opening day! Most of you from TX are wondering what's the big deal anyway? Why are all the West Coast folks so crazy excited that we would consider or even really go camp out a night before? Well I'm here to give you my reasons for excitement.
I have heard people say, " oh that place isn't that good!" Before I haul off and slap them smartly about the head I have to remember In and Out is not really about the food. It's all about the experience and if you didn't grow up in CA you likely will not appreciate the burger. The menu itself is a work of art in it's simplicity. There are few things on the menu. Hamburgers, fries, sodas and shakes. That's it. There is the "secret" menu. For heaven's sake it's not a secret menu already! It's just that if you haven't been going to In and Out for a hundred years you don't know there are other options. Like going to Starbucks and not knowing you can order a short cup rather than tall. You would however know that if you've been going to Starbucks since you were a young girl fresh out of high school, wide eyes at the opportunity to buy a beautiful cup of coffee any time you wanted.
Digressing again.
Also with the menu is the items on the menu are not gross and laden with grease, oil or mayo. WHATABURGER! That is just sick and wrong. Everything is fresh as a daisy. The lettuce, the tomato the bun, oh that toasty bun. Everything is just crispy fresh.
After the menu is the little tiny scripture verses printed on the bottoms of the cups. Just the reference, like John 3:16. I just LOVE that! I love that they are willing to put something wonderful on their product that might get people pointed to God. Love love love it!
Lastly you have the whole experience. After a day at the beach, you see the palm trees and the familiar red and white checkered tile in the distance and you think, " nothing would finish this amazing day at the beach like a double double washed down by a Coke!" You walk in, the people are so friendly and patient as you hem and ha over animal style or plain. They have those cute aprons with the ENORMOUS safety pin holding them on. I love those! Or after a long night at work and you really could use a good yummy burger... In and Out is there for you.
So that's it. As you stand in line for 3 hours today or drive by thinking those  people are stone cold crazy, remember it's a memory we are capturing. It's a taste of something that is just not available in the great American Fat Lands. For those of us who have longed for it for years and years, please let us have our moment without the criticism. We have put up with nasty grease burgers for so long. Let us enjoy our beautiful burgers and fries. And no, Mooyah's is not the same, and neither is GoGo burger. Just a sad not so cheap  imitation.
Happy In and Out day everyone!!

Cancer sucks

In the past 16 months there have been 4 cases of cancer diagnosis in my neighborhood alone. One of which was my precious child. In ONE year!! The bad news keeps coming. It keeps getting worse. It feels like our whole community is under cancer attack. I hate cancer. I hate everything that it does and everything that it means. I hate that people have to fight this hateful disease.
The feeling you feel when you hear the words, "your wife, your husband your son has cancer", is unexplainable. I can't even relate to you the sick feeling it brings up. Even just thinking back for me makes me cry and feel that wave of panic mixed with terror.  To know it keeps happening in our community is heartbreaking. It's so unfair. If you know me for 5 seconds you know I don't believe in fair. To me fair is where a pig wins a prize. When dealing with cancer however I'm all about this sucks and it isn't fair!! Another sweet family has to walk this road of chemo and surgeries. Another set of children have to wonder, wonder about who knows what, but still wonder.
Before Zion was diagnosed I was the ultimate PollyAnna in the face of cancers and illnesses. "Everything will be just fine!", "God's got this!". He does. However looking back that was the crappiest thing I could have said to anyone in this situation. I knew God was in control of our situation. But I was afraid. I didn't want to hear "all things work together for good". Really? I couldn't hear another encouraging word. Words are so meaningless when your heart hurts so much you literally think it'll break.
As I have heard  of more  illness, not just in our community but in the circle of people I know, I am at a loss of what to say. I know my God is in control. I know He is walking with each family who is suffering. He is the only thing that can ease the suffering.  No amount of cards, happy's, and for goodness sakes casseroles is going to take away the cancer.
 When people would drop off gifts or meals or little happy's to us while we walked the cancer road with Zion it was so sweet of them to think of us. Yet when they drove away I would always be just a little bit angry that they got to go home and hug their healthy child and live a carefree life. I would walk back in the house and hug my baby who had this ugly mean tumor on him. It wasn't fair. As I have encountered others now going through a similar experience I've become acutely aware that they be irritated at times because I can walk away healthy. So for now instead of a meal or a gift I'll pray.
 When you don't know what to do or say, just pray. That's it? Yes, that's it friends.  NOTHING in this world can calm your heart like God can. NOTHING can bring peace like the power of God. And NOTHING can heal someone miraculously with cancer like God can. I can not make enough meals to take away cancer. But I know the One who can work miracles in my friends. The doctors can tell you the diagnosis but only God knows the prognosis. I don't understand why prayer works I just know it does.

Tonight as I sit here feeling helpless I'll be on my knees. Unfortunately I have a list of folks I know suffering through cancer and crappy illnesses. Many of you know someone who has cancer now or has had it in the past. I would encourage you to stop and pray for them, right now.

Glad you were there for me on a Sunday

As we drove to church this past Sunday I was wondering to myself why people have to work on Sundays. Even if you're not a church goer Sunday should be a day of rest, for everyone. A day to just be with family whether it's church family or immediate family. I wondered that particularly as I drove down the Tollway and saw these poor workers slaving away on yet another road project. Texas used to look so pretty until they started jacking up the roads because of all those California people moved here. :-) Oh well, we live in an age where things get done or purchased no matter what day it is, without regard for resting or family time. 
I was thinking maybe I'll just stop shopping on Sunday all together. Really rarely do I need to anyway so just make it a blanket never again! That's it, no more supporting those heathen's who keeps stores and other businesses open on Sundays!
We roll into the parking lot, freakishly early I might add, which is a miracle in itself. Have you ever tried to wrangle 6 people to church by 8:30a.m.? It's a feat! We turn off the car start out when we hear," I DON"T HAVE ANY SHOES!". No she didn't. Our little bohemian who is hard pressed to throw shoes on in the first place is at church in a pretty dress, sans shoes. The crazy part is, it's not the first time she has gone somewhere and forgotten shoes. I have told her in the past to keep a spare in the car! I can't even get mad at this point because it's so ridiculous. It's so our life! Back on the seat belts go and we're off to find any place open this early to by her flip flops. Now had we been in Los Angeles, we could have bought some off of a homeless guy. But here in Fancy Pants Texas you are not likely to find that kind of luck.
First Marck thinks we should head to a gas station and just get the summer flip flops they sell. You know the kind, maybe with a Budweiser simple on it. Here's me, um let's try Target first. We pull our minivan into the parking lots and well what do you know, it's open! I can't believe I doubted it would be. After all up the road there are a bunch of guys working on the highway Target better be open. 
I can't believe after only 10 minutes of my resolution to send a message and not shop on Sundays here I am buying my hippie a pair of shoes so I don't die of shame at church! Damn the luck. 
I wish I could wrap this up with some clever moral, some word from the Lord that I got while standing in line. I wish I could say I won't shop on Sundays. I can't because we all know where that got me. I got nothin'. Nope, just a $10 pair of summer shoes and a funny Sunday story. So glad Target has no regard for the Sabbath.

These days don't last forever

I absolutely love Dave Ramsey! Love the show, love the advice and I especially love Debt Free Fridays! In case you aren't a listener, this is where people can call in and scream,"WE"RE DEBT FREE!!" for all the nation to hear. It's one of my simple joys listening to the show on the way to track Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The older kids are usually chatting and I take the opportunity to tune them out and tune in. This week has been frustratingly different. Zion has been more than chatty. Reading me random facts, talking on and on about Lord only knows what. the boys a talker!! I'm sure I don't know where he got it from. Must be the father's side of the family cuz you know my family is quiet. I couldn't even type that with a straight face!! Buhahaha!! 
Today I really wanted to listen, really really wanted to hear the victories people have won in the name of credit slashing. He kept on with the random facts from a National Geographic book. "Hey mom, did you know Alaska and Russia are only 2 miles apart? Hey mom did you know a frog glows when it eats a lightening bug? Hey mom, hey mom, HEY MOM!!!!". He wasn't shouting, it just felt like it. 
I gently raised the volume on the radio trying to give him a hint. At 9 he doesn't use the sense God gave him. Then it hit me... This moment is fleeting. This boy will be grown and out of my house in less than 9 years. This funny, chatty, mirror image of myself is not going to be with me forever. God says that children are a blessing from Him. A blessing, not an annoyance, not a bother but a blessing.  As we drove home listening to the facts I thought of how so much of parenting is a die to yourself kind of deal. I love listening to the radio because it gives me a chance to not think about what's going on around me for just a few minutes. I had been thinking I just need a moment for myself. Me me me. Not kids chattering. Me and Dave. There will be a day when I long for random facts to be thrown at me. If Zion has his way he will be in the Army far away from Texas. I'm quite sure then I will wish I had another moment of chatter. 
I listened to his facts and trivia the rest of the way home, trying not to cry at the thought of him being a grown man someday. I thought of how few the years were that we had left with our 4 people. Even Jonah, 15 years til college. That's a blip on the screen of life. The moments will still come that I wish for some quiet. My hope and prayer is that I will remind myself that the moment will come too quick that I wish for some loud chatter in my quiet and clean car. Yes, I long for a clean car too. :-) 

Welcome to military school folks!

Awe yes, Wednesday in Weir, Tx. the sun was shining, the birds were singing and I had on my drill sergeant hat and was ready for action!!! Last night I went to bed feeling defeated. These kiddos have run me into the ground. Truly. 
Last night while at the gym I witnessed a disturbing sight. Too many out of shape kids. Which got me thinking.. number 1 glad they are here making a change. number 2, I am raising my people in a soft society. My own kids are soft! Here's where I get on my soap box so feel free to check out. :-) Remember when we would run and ride bikes all day and into the evening? As a kid I never sat down. Never watched tv. Well, maybe Love Boat with my gramma.  We live in instant everything. No waiting. God forbid we have to wait to check our e-mail til we get home, oh hell no! We have to check it in the middle of bible study!! Oh crud, I just told on myself. Remember when we had to wait to get home? Remember when we didn't have email and had to send a, *gasp* letter?!?! Now everything is right at our finger tips. Food, email, info, and thank you Jesus coffee. 
With so much available to us I can not figure out why we are raising a generation of softies. I'm not just talking about weight. I'm talking about a generation that isn't used to doing hard work. Getting the satisfaction of a job well done. Feeling dirt in there nails. Getting sweaty.  I am speaking as a mom who has 4 soft kids under her own roof. Many times I've heard my husband yell at them running up the stairs, " move PRIVATE! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!". Kinda funny with a naked 2 year old. I would gasp and tell him, "they are not troops". I should have let him continue on the path of basic training. It's not too late. :-)
So we have generation X, generation Y and now generation soft. Super. Anyone seen Wall-E? 
So back to my own mess. Thing 1 through thing 4 don't like hard work, including writing papers, doing more chores than previously discussed and so on. Muhahaha, that all was about to change my friends. 
This morning at o'dark thirty I started barking orders. " No we will not watch tv today! Move! Get your chores done! School starts at 8:00 sharp!". I think they thought a crazy person had switch places last night. Or maybe my coffee had not kicked in. Thing 2 was not ready at 8 and know that a consequence was delivered. She got the message ,I meant business. After a brief lecture of there will be zero complaints about food, chores, or other members of the family, we started the day. Off I went to bible study leaving the students at home with dad to work... in silence. He texted me after an hour to say that it was spooky quiet. Hee hee. My plan was working. By 1pm they were finished with school and ready to play and run track. School had been taking as long as 3, maybe even 4 for some people. Come folks! We home school! Supposed to be done long before the public school! 
After a lovely evening of playing and no fussing about dinner everyone went off to bed with nary a whimper. 
When I went in to kiss my sleeping children, the joy I had in parenting was back. Seeing them sleeping I realized they were lovely people, when disciplined properly.  I had given them way too much say so in how things go around here. I'm a pleaser, and good or bad I want everyone to be happy. Here's what I learned from that, it sucks for the mom. No one is happy because someone is always having an injustice heaped on them and mom is miserable because she's trying to keep the peace. If I take away their "entitlement" everyone wins. 
Last night it hit me, my kids and most of America is soft because we think we are entitled to anything we want. Bad enough when an adult feels this way, but let a kid who is foolish ( all kids are, don't be offended), eek, all bad. 
So my kids had a wonderful day. When someone got out of line discipline followed quickly. When they listened the first time, had good attitudes and behavior, blessings and rewards were showered on them.
It's just like the Army, do what you're told and everybody wins. Don't do what you're told and life is stinks only for you. 
In Weir,Tx we are not raising softies. For a moment I lost sight of who was in charge. When I remembered I was the parent and  my sweet peeps don't get much say til they pay the bills, life was set right again. 

If you like coffee and you know it clap your hands..*clap, clap*

I can't believe I've made several entries and not one of them has been about coffee!! I feel so ashamed. Here's why. I love coffee more than life it's self. A day with out coffee, well, just could not even be possible. Before there was Starbucks's on every corner I loved coffee. Love love love it!! My standard order was a 'skinny why bother'. My cousin coined that term for me after many orders of my decaf, not fat latte. He lived in Seattle for awhile and I believe he was irritated with my pretentious order. Ha! He's never been to Frisco at 9 am when all the moms have just dropped off their cherubs!  
The smell just makes me giddy. I love walking into a restaurant and getting a whiff of the sweet ground bean. My all time favorite smell is walking into a Jewish deli and smelling bagels and fresh coffee. I swear I might start singing the Hallelujah chorus! Oh sweet fancy Moses that is a great aroma. Or walking into a diner/coffee shop somewhere in Hollywood after working a long day, dealing with high maintenance clients and just getting hit with that smell would revive me again like a blast of cold air. Oh coffee, it's a beautiful thing. As I type, I've got a fresh cup sitting next to me, compliments of hubby. 
My love for this beverage might have something more to do with memories rather than taste or need of caffeine. When I was a kid we never went to any relatives house that didn't have a pot brewing. At my aunt's I swear it was a constant drip. "A little cup of fudgie", that's what we called it. One thing I remember if you didn't have it one or at least brewing when everyone got there, someone would yell, " Damn it! Why isn't there any coffee?!?!" To which some other profanity would be yelled back and the coffee miraculously started brewing. I grew up in a colorful family. Of course on holidays you might get asked, " want a little something in it?". You might guess the "little something" was a bit of booz. :-) It's the best memory I have of growing up. The world's problems can be solved with a pot of coffee. 
Oh and the road trips we'd take! Always had a pot with us! My cousin and I never needed coffee because we were asleep in the bed of the pick up truck. :-) You heard me, in the back with no seatbelts! Rolling around with every turn. You want to have a kid not whine on a car trip, throw them in the back of a truck. Who needs an 'i' anything? Shoot, let 'em play dodge ball and get their feelings hurt too. Sorry, digressing again. :-)
Yep, coffee is the answer to the world's problems. Ok, not THE answer. Jesus is THE answer to every problem. However, a little cup of fudgie can sure help get the talking moving in the right direction. I have a friend, several actually who think it's a sin to drink coffee in church. You know who you are. But I have to say coffee is what gets people together. Come on, when Jesus walked this earth, folks drank wine. Drinking something when you're spending time together seems totally biblical to me. If I drank wine all the time, well, I'd be in AA. :-) I choose coffee instead.  
My cup's empty.... blog is over.

Momma said there'd be days like this!

     Oh my gosh!! Parenting is sooooo hard!!! Ok, not actually parenting like feeding, washing and making sure everyone survives another day. I mean like making sure they don't grow up to be crazy people. Or at the very least productive members of society.
    I haven't blogged for over a week because the past 8 days have been crap crap crap. I'm not being dramatic I swear!  Currently we have a child who is very into her own thing, going her way and following her own rules. She isn't doing anything that would alarm any of you I'm sure. Especially because I know many of you think I'm too hard on my kiddos. Here's what I say to that, try herding cats then you'll get a glimpse of my day.
   Parenting certain personalities is proving harder than others.We often joke that our house is divided, the sunny side and the cloudy side. The cloudy isn't grumpy, it's just sort of, well cloudy. A bit darker, a bit harder to rouse in the morning, a bit melancholy. The sunny side isn't always happy either, it's just bubbly and louder. Which as you might have guessed has it's own qualities that are less desirable.
   I reside on the sunny side. I know, shocking. The child I am struggling with resides on the cloudy side. Oh and plus, I'm a rule follower, the child in question not so much. She is every bit her daddy in that respect. I say that not as a put down to Marck. He will admit wholeheartedly that he lacks in rule following. It's just part of his character. It's a fantastic trait actually. Marck is able to get things done in a better way because doesn't consider what rule might be broken. For example, Sunday at the Ranger game we parked in the season ticket holder section paying only $10. Not because we were being defiant, we just drove in, paid the lady and found our spot. We figured if there was an issue she'd let us know. See Marck always says, " just walk in like you own the place!". So fantastic!
At 44 years old he can determine whether or not the rules need to be followed. At 7 our daughter can not. This is where the hard part comes in. You can not make a child follow the house rules. You can encourage and discipline but unless their heart is in it, you will likely be unsuccessful. That silly girl had no more toys left, and no more privileges left by Friday. One more move and we were taking away Toy Story on Ice Friday night. Which would have sucked since we would need to scare up a sitter. Mercifully she was able to maintain for 24 hours. Phew.
   When  I say I prayed over that child, I mean I prayed! I prayed as if her very life depended on it. Because it  it does. The only way I am ever going to make it through child rearing is prayer. Left to my own devices these little critters would be locked up somewhere and I'd be watching Oprah. Sometimes I get lazy in my prayer life when it comes to the kids. I forget to get specific and to plead that God Himself would grip her heart for Him and His ways. Only God can change my children. Only He can give me wisdom how to handle them.
    At some points last week I wanted to give up. I wanted to send her off to military school or at the very least public school. She of course didn't want to be shipped off. Deep down I didn't want to either.
As I prayed more specifically I realized that her disobedience was a mirror. Ugh, I hate that. I'm not going into all that because after all, that's another blog for another day.
The bible says," Let us not grow tired of doing good. At the right time we will gather a crop if we don't give up." Galations 6:9
 I started this saying," parenting is hard". It's not. Doing it well, and persevering in it is hard. But we have Someone who knows, and can help us in every circumstance with these little people.

First I was crunchy, and then I wasn't

     I like to think I am pretty healthy, eating wise. Well everything wise I guess but I particularly think I and our family eat well. We have done organic as much as possible, steer clear of the Golden Arches of Death, and of course take a highly recommended vitamin supplement everyday without fail. Every once in awhile we would let a bag of Doritos or Oreos fall in the shopping cart. But for the most part it was clean eating for Weir,Tx.

    Imagine my shock that Zion got cancer. I mean, besides the obvious reason for shock. We don't eat foods that give cancer! We eat things that prevent it.

You might imagine I went a bit crazy in the health and wellness department during our stint down the cancer trail. Nothing, I mean nothing impure went into that boy's body. He has 2 glasses of carrot and orange juice daily, besides the green smoothies he was chugging down. We all ate that way BTW, in case you thought us heartless and we ate Big Macs while he gagged down carrot juice. I had done my research and cancer grows crazy amounts  with sugar. ( ok, that's a lame way to put it, but basically sugar helps it get out of control)

    Fast forward a few months after the dust has settled and I have been able to pray about other things besides, "MAKE MY BOY CANCER FREE!!".  It's funny when things settle you think a bit clearer. One night Zion and I were at the market and he started to cry. When I asked him why he said he was sad because I don't let him buy the things we used to eat. Never any treats or just regular Sun Chips even. I was sort of harsh and said, " well if we eat that way you could die.". He didn't say anything else. Wow, good job mom! Not one of my finer moments of explanation.

    The conversation was a tool used by God over the next few weeks to get me thinking. God so lovingly showed me I had become obsessed with healthy eating. I had already been a bit over the edge by now I had jumped over the cliff and never looked back. I realized my sweet boy and the other sweet members of Weir, Tx had been suffering a little.

    God gave us foods to enjoy. No one loves food more than the residents of this house, I promise! By making it so intense and so important to eat the exact right things at the exact right time I had taken the very joy out of eating. The tension I felt at the market, reading every label, wondering if that little bit of cane sugar would make the melanoma come back. In case your wondering, yes it is exhausting being me. Imagine being married to me. :-/

    As I began to pray about the crazy making in my brain and the results in the pantry God began to show me some fantastic truths about Himself and cancer.

First, this all happened in spite of great eating habits. In fact most of my McD lovin' friends have never had cancer nor will they. Ha! Slap my face! The average American kid never touches a veggie in a single week! Not every kid gets cancer either.

Second, every bit of healing that occurred in Zion was only a result of God Himself. Not because of any new habits we implemented. He alone can heal only, period. I can't stress enough this point. It was nothing we did. I'm stressing this point mostly for myself but also for so many of my crunchy friends that stress about healthy habits just in daily life.

Being crunchy is exhausting. I realized also I could never do enough to prevent every type of cancer. I could never eat enough veggies, take enough oils, detox my home.

    Third, there is an emotional healing that comes with food. Shut up Biggest Loser! Food feels fantastic! You are lying if you say you feel empty after eating something delicious. The key here is to put down the tub of ice cream, have just one bowl. Oh, sorry, I digress.

    After all the research I have done I had become overwhelmed and distraught. Seeing Zion's reaction at the market that day showed me I had been making them distraught also.

Remember when McD's was a magical place? Come on, I know if you are really honest you will think back fondly on the happy meal burger with the little onions and the prize you got. It was a fun place to go. It was where my gramma took me after a day of shopping. See, there's that emotional connection. Good times with gramma. I had made it the axis of evil. Never will MY children go to a place like that! Why? Because it might give them cancer? Well that ship has sailed baby!

    So you might be wondering where I stand now on granola habits. The truth is I look to the Lord for balance. We still drink green smoothies, though not daily. we still take the supps, and apply the oils to the healing skin graft on Zion. I make my own laundry soap. (because I'm turning into a cheapy) But... there has been an obscene about of Girl Scout cookies lurking in my pantry, and the bread I just bought at Costco was not organic neither was it homemade! *gasp!*

    God has graciously shown me a balance I so desperately need. We may not eat fast food very often, let's face it, it really is crap now isn't it? Taste I mean. But you might be surprised to see a little remnant of Oreo scattered across Zion's beautiful face next time you visit Weir,Txhealthy friends, I hope you won't look askance at me, for my friends who are less incline to dis the fast food, I hope you won't mock me for buying the cookies either. It's funny how both sides of the camp can criticized, both for the same reason. Though I really don't care. :-) I just figure it'll give everyone something interesting to talk about.

    Now, go grab a bag of Cookies!!

IT"S JUST TEE BALL!!!

The day has arrived for our Canon to finally be in organized sports. He has waited what seems his whole life. None of the other kids have done much in the way of sports. Zion tried a couple of seasons of baseball, but as he told in no uncertain terms, he is more of a science kid.
With organized sports comes some very enthusiastic parents. VERY ENTHUSIASTIC. I received an email from one of the moms recently that asked if we wanted to get mom hats, you know more girly looking, probably some bling to it. Ok I'm in. Why not? Until I found out such hats were going for $28. I gasped and Marck kept trying to tell me that it's a decent price for a hat, after all he paid about that for each Rangers hat he owns. Ok, let me remind all of you and my husband, IT"S JUST TEEBALL!!! A Rangers hat at $28 a pop seems reasonable for a pro team that actually went to the World Series. That much for a tee ball team that doesn't even keep score seems ridiculous. Don't even get me started on the not keeping score and giving everyone a chance to play. I had that kid on the team that didn't do well, having him lose taught him great things. Mainly he was not cut out to play ball.
So no hat for me. After the hat email comes the t-shirt email. Ok a t-shirt would be probably more reasonable, I'll get that.  Seriously people in this town have money flowing out places I shouldn't say here in this blog. A blingy t-shirt was now going to run me $35. Dang, should have gotten the hat.
After I ranted and raved to Marck and shouted my phrase, say it with me friends,"IT"S JUST TEEBALL!!", something occurred to me.  I used to say I would do anything for my kids.  Apparently I have a cap on the things I'll do for them.
I know my rantings seem ridiculous, but I can not get used to the crazy money spent on things related to our kids. Here's how the whole organized sports cost breaks down in Weir,TX:
$75 to signup
$40 at Academy for cleats and a glove
$80 to the coach for various goods, helmet, pants, belt, ect
$30 for a Rough Rider game the team is going to
For a total of $225, on tee ball related things. For the cost of our tee ball experience we could have gone on a mini vaca.
Now I will admit the game was optional, I could have saved there. Particularly since we are going 2 days later for a Children's Hospital event. Oh well.
The outfit totals $120, which by the way is Canon clothes budget for 3 months. Hope he like his uniform. :-)
Imagine if all 4 of my kids were in a sport. Let's hear it for the science geeks!!
In a world of over spending and mortgage crisis, I can't help but wonder if the crisis and being in debt wasn't spurred on by these types of purchases. Marck used to help folks with loan modification and I always wanted him to ask the people, " did you make a bunch of stupid purchases? Like having kids in sports??". He never would and that's why he did the job he did and I stay home with our kids. I lack in compassion.
In our nation we have to have everything that presents itself before our eyes. We just can't say no. We must fit in and do what the culture is calling us to do.
I will likely be the only mom without the blingy outfit tomorrow as we hit the ball field. *sigh* Hopefully my tightwad-ness will not send Canon into therapy. Hopefully he will see I was unwilling to spend an extra $70 in exchange for being wise with our money and not as a mom who has no team spirit. Which actually I don't because again, it's just tee ball and they don't keep score!! Ahh, so maybe he will be disappointed that I am not wearing  Scrappers wear. Maybe he will be in therapy. It's a good thing I'm saving that money then! :-)

What About Canon?To Home School or Not to Home School?

Right off the bat I'm fairly certain of the answer my public school friends will be shouting, NOT TO!! I've heard it all over the past 2 years of home schooling. "When do you get some ME time?", "How do you know when they pass a certain grade?", and my all time fav, " Don't they need to be socialized??". BAHAAHAAA!! That one always sends me into a tail spill of laughter. Mostly because my home school friends are some of the most social people I know. Plus my oldest used to get in trouble at school for socializing too much during class. :-) I've even had people look at me with great disgust and ask "why on earth would you do that?".

Kindergarten roundup is upon us! My Canon is 5 and that means in the fall he "should" be starting school. You know real school. I have been contemplating this idea all school year. My reasons for home schooling were directed at the older 2, mostly my oldest kiddo. As we shared the idea of pulling out the kids from public school, so many of my well meaning friends asked with great concern, " what about Canon?", "he needs to go to public school!". I love how other people know just what my kids need. :-) So naturally I have thought the same over the years. After all, he's never been to school. The other 2 struggled a bit and who knows Canon may sail through with zero problems. Or would he? Don't know.

These thoughts have caused me to soul search and wonder why I home school my kids anyway.

At first it was to help my oldest with some issues with anxiety. We thought we'd just do it a year and evaluate after. Surely it wouldn't be a long term deal. Surely when Canon came along he'd go to school.

The past 2 years have been full of ups and downs. The first year we barely made it through. Loneliness gripped all of us by November but thankfully we made some great friends and by May looked back and realized what a treasure our year had been. Over the summer I plotted and planned out our next year. We had it down to the very last book we would read. The school year started and 3 days later Zion was diagnosed with cancer. Crap. There goes my BIG PLAN!!!

So this year has been a year of survival. Reading the basics, learning the math needed to pass to the next grade. Getting by. Or so I thought.

As I look back on our year, it's been so much more than getting by. My kids have had an education they wouldn't have otherwise had if they'd have gone to public school. I'm not sure I could even tell of all the "education" they have had. My sweet Eden has learned extreme compassion for little kids who are bald. (chemo patients). We have learned to look for opportunities to serve with abandon, and to look for the good in every situation no matter how crappy. I'm pretty sure that's not in the public school curriculum. Nor would we have had the opportunity if they had not been with us every step of the way.

As I ponder these things, I've come to the conclusion that I love having them here. I don't get much "me" time. Though I didn't have kids to get me time. :-) I have to work hard making sure they get all the learning they need. But does loving having your kids home mean you should home school them? Again, my public school friends are crying out a known answer. :-) To me it absolutely is. You see, one thing I was educated on this year was this; time is so short with my people. So so short. We were faced with an ugly reality that had Zion had melanoma in his lymph nodes his life would not have been very long short of a miracle. My mind can't camp there too long. But the thought lingers in my mind as I pray about our schooling decision. I don't base my choice based on fear or what if's, I base it on I love teaching my kids, I love having them experience life with me, and I so love teaching them God's ways every minute of every day. We could teach them about the Lord even if they went to school I know, but it's so great to able to use every situation to point them to Him.

Likely Canon will be home schooled next year. I'm sorry if that disappoints most of you. :-) Our little crumbcake enjoys his momma being his teacher. His momma enjoys having him here learning and growing along with everyone else. In Weir, Tx we just don't do things apart. We home school, Marck now has a job from home, and I do hair from home. Home is a great place in Weir,Tx. I think we'll keep it that way!

Our people

Better Than Facebook

Yep, blogging is way better than Facebook. Here's how I know. I have taken an on and off break, fast if you will from FB. I realized it is not a blessing to me. Seems that it really is a place for me to vent my frustrations about the woman in line in front of me at Kroger, or the recent hijinks my kids have done or, the weirdest part, looking at what someone else is doing right this minute. Is anyone else creeped out by how fascinated we all are by the goings on of other people? When I thought about it half a second I realized that if I am reading what your kids are doing, I'm missing out on my own kids. There's another non blessing about old FB to me... the lack of real interaction with real people. Most of the way we share what's going on in our lives is through FB. Again, weird. I had stopped getting calls to say hi, I was getting "wall posts" saying, " I'm thinking of you today!". I had stopped calling people to say hi because after all I "liked" their status. When I posted that my son had no more cancer, 2 dozen people commented with well wishes and 2 dozen more "liked" my status. That's when I realized Facebook was not for me. I was grateful for folks reading our posts and updates, but nothing heals the souls like a good friend calling and wishing you well. I like the phone calls. I'm a people person. I enjoy people actually talking to me. My husband, well he's another story on the people liking. But me, I crave a human voice!

I wondered what I would miss not "knowing" what was going on. Turns out a lot! Not many of my friend share the disdain for FB that I do. I have realized that I am a dinosaur. I am being dragged into technology kicking and screaming. Well, not kicking and screaming so much and whining and grumbling. Two extremely unattractive skills I have about mastered.

However I have found that with a little effort, I have been able to chat live with people. It may not be the dozens of "conversations" I was having through FB, but it is a few meaningful chats.

I'm not a hater of the facebook, just not a lover of it. It's been a really long time since I have sat down to write anything unrelated to cancer. I love writing. I have a lot to say and I'm sure my sweet husband gets tired of hearing my musings. So here's my alternative to Facebook... writing my blog. Let's face it, I'm always going to need to vent or share the happenings of Weir, TX, but I think this is a healthier way. Most likely it's just going to be Marck, and my mom that read this, but I can purge my thoughts on the computer and spare my husband of my rantings.... at least most days.