Pride Comes Before Sleepless Nights

Our favorite way to sleep

" Just think honey, she'll be sleeping through the night before she even gets home!". Famous last words I spoke to my hubby while 6 months pregnant with our sweet baby girl. We knew she was destined to be in the NICU and likely be in there for at least 3 months. Not awesome. However if you spend a minute in Weir,Tx you know we are prone to look at the sunny side of life. There it was, the proverbial silver lining in an otherwise crap situation.

Miracle of all miracles tiny girl was home in one month and one day! Awesome!! Un-awesome was that we had to wake her every TWO hours. Never mind that I had already been up every night since she was born every 3 hours to pump. It's one thing to nurse a newborn every 3 hours, cuddling your bundle. But to be hooked to a machine like a common cow is not especially fun. Not a schedule in sight for Selah Jane or momma.
At six months we're given the green light to 'let her cry it out and sleep on through the night'....
Oh hell to the no.

First thing miss doctor pants, is I was away from this precious angel for 32 days every single night. I cried many nights missing her. I cried driving home missing her. As far as I could tell there's be no more crying up in here.

Second, little ma'am was so used to getting her tiny belly satisfied every few hours she wasn't buying the "new" routine.
Enter extremely tired me.
Many nights I begged the Lord to help her sleep. Begged people. I prayed night after night, I fasted, I told Him His Word says He gives sleep to those He loves!! Then I was all sassy tantrum about it and said, " fine! I guess You just don't love me then!!".
Can you just see God face palming Himself and shaking His head?

Rocking little girl one night I had a revelation.
I had spent so much time away from her that she AND I needed these quiet moments together. We needed to love on one another, to bond more, to get away from the chaos that comes with Weir,Tx.

I needed time with our Savior to pray over her, to ask for extra grace each morning with my other people.
I needed time with Him in the quiet wee hours of the day to just sit, to hear Him whisper, " I do love you. More than you can even comprehend."

In the past thirteen months I haven't slept more than 4 hours at a time. And that would be a great night ya'll. But I have known the Lord like never before. More than ever I know His ways are not my ways and you know what? They are so much better.

I've stopped praying that she'd sleep. It will come. It did for everyone else. I've since started praying to see His goodness in the midst of the tired days. To see His hand carrying me through another day with joy.

A Baby Changes Everything

I sat down to write this post 3 weeks because my morning had been hilarious with my Wheelie. Twenty one days later I'm back with more perspective on the subject at hand. Perspectives like my older children will grow up ignorant, and at the very least my little guy may never learn to read.

This year for HS we have a 7th grader, 5th, 2nd and the ever exciting kindergarten!! Let's here it for chewing crayons and sniffing paste! Except that's not the over all expectation for our kinders any more. Schooling the babes is really really daunting this year. Did I say daunting? Maybe FREAKING SCARY!! Yes, that sums it up.

Now imagine if you will for a moment adding a charming toddler to that mix. Shazaam! You got yourself a genuine circus. I give you, the morning this post started...

Tiny Koala attached at the hip while cooking oatmeal, for her and myself so I have fuel to feed her later and teach and exercise and wash clothes and cook meals and and and and...

Tiny Koala grabbing at legs after eating because she is now petrified of the cat. Super.

Take Tiny Koala into bathroom to play while I attempt a shower, and maybe just maybe get my hairs did for the day.

TK screams at the door because, unbeknownst to me, I'm now in a vortex of terror and might not ever come out. Babies are so weird.

Finally TK is at peace with the world on account of the fact that she has found the treasure that is my cabinet holding priceless gems such as cotton balls. Ok, babies are weird, and a mite dumb.

Tiny but mighty

Only a few minutes into the hairs doing and TK is wielding a box of razors. Awesome. Meh, their sort of closed with that little plastic thingy, can't be too dangerous.


School time, just. need. to. read. one. chapter. I give the picture you see here..  This day, oh this day.

You might be thinking, "you know what's easier?" Public school. You know what I'm saying right back at you? " damn right it's easier!" You know what else?? It's a hell of a lot cheaper, neater, and less time consuming than my current gig. If I didn't home school my people I could take care of this mischief maker and live in peace with my coffee and scone.
Yep totally a lot of ways this could all be simpler. Except that's not my style. That's not God's style for me.

Recently after whining about a few aches and pains, a "friend" said to me , "well honey that's why God never intended for women to have babies in their forties. Pardon? Did she just say that to my face? I guess she must be right. Except there's the whole God created Selah Jane thing, and I imagine had He not wanted me to have her then He WOULDN"T HAVE CREATED HER YOU MORON!!
People are weird, and at times incredibly dumb.

Life with Selah Jane is different than it was two years ago home schooling. It's crazier, it's louder.  It's longer. It's more wonderful than any of us could ever imagine. Yo'd have to be here to truly enjoy her, and herself.
Sometimes I try to imagine life without Selah, not in the I wish I never had her way. Just the pondering in a grateful I'm amazed she's here way. I can't. I really don't know how we did life without our baby girl.

I Can't Bear to Part With My Debit Card

It's not what you think! I swear.. I know you think I have some sort of spending issue, or that my hubby has taken control and cut me off, never to spend again. Not. Even. Close. 
October 1st marked a new day in Jen Weir's wallet. After ordering my weekly cuppa, I handed the barista my debit and she politely says, " oh ma'am I'm sorry but this card has expired".  ***gasp*** Drat. I knew I meant to do something last night. Activate my new card for one thing, of which I've had for TWO MONTHS, of which has been sitting on my craft table for TWO MONTHS so I didn't lose it. You might be thinking, wow, procrastinate much?? Well, that's sort of the reason. However in this situation it's a little fuzzy as to why I procras, I mean hesitated, on this activity. 
Handing my old friend over to the shredder it hit me. This rectangle piece of plastic has been with me for 4 years. 
It's first year marked our pioneering into the world of homeschooling, so with my trusty friend I bought countless books, paper, pencils, ect. Second year it traveled to Dallas, innumerable times in order to see oncologists and surgeons on behalf of my son. It was swiped through untold Starbucks as we left these offices, in hopes of getting a little happy cuppa for the long drive home. I bought my son a five dollar loaf of bread from Subway because he needed food after a surgery. Yes, $5, just bread, no sandwich. True story. I bought him nasty peanut butter crackers and over priced juice and a shady gas station somewhere in Dallas for the same reason. In case your wondering, don't they feed you at the hospital, um no, not really, not with out patient procedures. 
Cardy was swiped through gas stations as I realized I was about to run out of gas heading home from, well just about everywhere.  Swiped at the parking garage and the parking valet at the other hospital. During that time great vacations were had. It got swiped at zippy marts along route 66, in desolate places driving through New Mexico and Arizona. The gas station in Barstow that smelled like pee because it was 1000 degrees outside and the plumbing wasn't working as one would hope. 
Cardy's third year in my wallet was spent running to dr's appointments to check out my ever growing belly, carrying Selah Jane. It paid for co-pays and more Starbucks trips.

Wait a minute. Stop reading. This is the worst blog I've ever written. 
Talk about a huge yawn of a blog. There is not a human alive that would relate to this. Ok, from here on out, this is my personal journal let's say. If you wish to contnue, know that you do so being fair warned that you will be bored. Carry on. 

 It's just when I looked at that card today, I flashed through every single rough place we'd been the past 4 years. Every great moment in time as well. For some reason, with this season the rough spots are easier to remember. I grieved all over again the phone call that changed my life. The many phone calls I answered holding my breath. The co-pays I resented paying because it was going for another visit to a scary place. I remembered the Starbucks trips that were filled with untold amounts of tears being wiped away trying to hide from the barista because I had just left my baby girl in the NICU, again, and I missed her so bad my heart ached. I could only had him cardy and pray he didn't ask if my evening was going well.  (barista's, too chatty some days for even me) 
Putting my card back in my wallet before I headed into to see baby girl in case I needed something at that blessed hospital. 
The joy of swiping it at Disney World on our make a wish trip. The anger of using at Target last minute as I realized my son need pull on pants because he'd have a huge gaping wound on his leg from a skin graft. The anticipation of buying Selah Jane's coming home outfit, only to be crushed we'd have to wait a few more days. The elation of using it at Trader Joe's for the first time in Texas!! Gah, can I get a hallelujah for that one?? Used all day long on my 40th birthday, blessing folks with some fun treats and the best birthday gift to me, being used to pay for a precious couple's 57th wedding anniversary dinner.
I didn't always have the same purse. I didn't always carry the same wallet. Hell I didn't even have the same phone.  But I did always have the same red card. Over the past 4 years I've had to pay for things that were bitter and things that were sweet. That card caused a flood of memories that really, no picture could ever capture. Everyday, every place I went, I had that silly card with me.  
Memories are funny. I'm not sentimental. I have a box in my closet high up on a shelf that hold a precious treasure that every once in awhile I dare to let myself look in. The memories in there are still fresh and raw, though they are from another painful time in Weir,Tx. I believe my trusty card might just have to be popped in there to be kept for safe keeping. 

A little of Possessions and a whole lotta Media chit chat

Ok so, I've been off the grid, under ground, flying under the radar, ( pick your favorite line) for about 2 weeks now and I'm feeling the need to share a bit about 7 and where we're at.
here's a brief  wrap up of possessions. Can I just tell you our God is beyond AMAZING!! I can not even say how the possessions week made me realize He really really really absolutely positively cares about our needs, wants and desires. Going into all the details of what happened that week would require you to transform yourself into the paper whore that I myself am, (yes I have a crafting problem), drool and lust over craft supplies at Hobby Lobby, buy so much craft crap that you have a craft closet STUFFED with stamps, punches, paper, doodads and bobbles and then try to figure out if you are to purge 7 things a day for a week, who'd want your precious collection.
Kids in Uganda that's who.
Straight up I'm not lying about this. In about 3 months, some precious kiddos half way around the world will be stamping and inking their little hearts out.
I need one of those kids.

Onto MEDIA WEEK!!!! 

7-Clothes wrap up

Currently I'm in a stripey brown shirt WITH a tank top under WITH sock AND slippers and jeans on. All the capitals on account of the fact that I'm done with 7 clothes section, it's cold here in Tx, and I'm grateful to be able to layer. That said here's the wrap up-
As I was sans my slippers and extras last week I fell into a grateful mode that Jen Weir has never had before. So grateful for extras and excess and yet so burdened by those that are not as fortunate as me. I found myself thanking the Lord for the many many many many many many blessings He has showered little Weir,Tx. I found myself grieved that many go without.
I must say the hardest day by far was Easter. Going to church in jeans, pink t-shirt, zip up sweat shirt and running shoes ON EASTER IN NORTH DALLAS was humbling. Turns out I'm sure no one cared what I was wearing. Also, my kids LOVED the fact I was not involved in their clothing choices for Good Friday service and Easter.
You'll noticed Jonah's attire in the pic... That would be his fancies for Good Friday.
My Eden wore her finest as well, a velvet blue sparkly number. God showed me this week that I spend WAY too much time primping up me and the family and ZERO time thinking about Him on Sunday mornings. Ouch.
I have nothing more profound to share with you about what the clothes section has done in my mind and life because you are not me, and I am not you. One thing I have learned these past 3 weeks is my journey is my own. Those around me are on their own journey, and they are learning/growing/changing as they and the Lord see fit.
That said, you may notice me in the same thing for every birthday lunch/dinner function. I may be sporting some hippy looking long skirts, shirts and shoes that look like they were made in Africa. (they will be)  I will likely be shopping more frequenrly at the Thrift Shops rather than the mall....With $20 in my pockets...
If we cross paths on April 16th, please do not be alarmed at the fact myself and my children will be without shoes in order to raise awareness for kids who go without shoes every day. True story. Yes I know it's unsanitary, yes I know I'll look dirty, and yes I know I won't be allowed in some places. Remember paragraph 2? My journey isn't your journey? Carry on good Samaritan.
Today I started the possessions section of 7. As this will be a long tale to tell, I'll end this entry here. As I am never long without things to write about, I have plenty to share on that subject.

7

Well, it's been about a hundred years since I've written about anything besides my kid having a cancer issue or my baby having her organs put back in or anything else medical related. Soooo  I thought I'd kick off the new season with some fun that's happening in Weir,Tx.
Last summer Marck and I read a thought provoking life altering book. 7. You can Google the book, Jen Hatmaker is the author but basically the author tackles 7 areas of excess in our culture, tries to focus on God, and deals with poverty. Totally just gave you the nutshell version and yes it does not sound interesting from the way I just described it. Trust me, after you read this post, if you hang in til the end, drop everything and go get the book. If you have a soul you'll hate me for telling you about it, her for even having the nerve to write it, but in the end you'll thank us both.
I'm in a bible study group now that is tackling this challenge, although as the author does the experiment for a month, we are doing it for a blessed 7 days. Thank you Jesus! I like my cushy perks of living in the U.S.
Many of my friends have asked, " how'd you do with the food??". I'm sure they are overly interested on account of the fact that I'm vegan now, which by all rights according to our current culture IS a mutiny in itself. So here goes how the food went, and how on day 1 my clothing mutiny is going.
Food- The author recommends picking 7 food items for the week. SEVEN. THAT'S IT!!! Ok, easy peasy, I got this. My goodness I hardly eat much any way right?? True, however I did not take into account I have 5 kids, 4 of which I home school, one I'm nursing and trying the whole solids thing, ( BTW- Selah has the 7 things down, sister keeps hers at a 3, boob, bananas and squash.), plus I cut hair a bunch at home soooo all these factors were less than helpful in eating only 7 things for a week. It really takes a lot of planning and forethought both of which I couldn't muster up the strength to do. By Thursday. evening I was "cheating" and by Friday I took my freedom in Christ and called it quits. Incidentally we started Wednesday. Calling that an epic fail, did not grow close to Jesus, did not feel a sacrifice, did experiment very badly.
Clothes- Going along with the theme you may have guessed we chose 7 items of clothes to wear for a week. No biggie I think, I'm not the clothes horse Marck Weir is. Oh really? hmmm, did I forget to mention it's EASTER WEEK??? Crappity crap. Apparently I like to look at least put together for church, at best look fab and say airy things like, " oh I just grabbed this frock and tossed it on. You know how tough it can be to get 7 people ready for church!". *** all the while hoping they are whispering, " she looks amazing for having 5 kids" as I stroll away***
Ok so back to my choices...
Really tricky. Have I mentioned my hatred for cold weather? And when I say cold I mean 60 or cooler?? It might crack 70 today. Here are my breezily picked choices and then I'll spill the nitty gritty;
1 pair of jeans
1 pair of yoga pants
1 baseball mom t-shirt ( Canon's first ball game is saturday, gotta represent)
1 pink t-shirt
1 long sleeve black shirt
1 zip up sweat shirt
and my running shoes

At first I wasn't going to count pj's or my shoes and least of all my precious slippers. I mean come on, I told you clothes don't have a grip on me... Pardon me ma'am but isn't a fast supposed to pinch? Aren't you trying to get perspective about how the rest of the world is living in squallier and poverty? Ok fine, no slippers. Then I get this dumb text from my dumb friend who gave me the dumb book in the first place. By the way, after reading the first chapter last summer, I texted said friend and told her I hated her for giving me the book. She already knows our friendship is in the balance right now. :-) So the text this morning says this " As I was thinking it over I realized that even jammies is sort of a rich person privilege. I think I might do what she (the author) did and sleep in my t's".  Who needs lofty friends like this anyway?? Where are my shallow friends when I need them?? Then another super spiritual text from another friend, " I'm giving up my beloved house slippers which I wear every waking moment"... wait hold up, she gave up her slippers?? Ok fine for her, but I don't feel God calling me to do that.... Later same friend says, " My cold bare feet this morning led me to pray for the homeless that always feel the elements".
** Jen Weir raises hand at bible study next week to ask " can I move to a more shallow and selfish table please?"**
People all morning these ladies keep going!!
Another " And let's remember to give thanks and praise that we are privileged and we do have slippers and pjs and the option to wear them or not. We need to give thanks for our many blessings. Be humbled by them."
The texting went on all morning. Much laughter ensued on my end because while these precious women were quite grounded in their ideas and thougths, they still struggled like me in their First World-ness.
ie- "Went to the mall to in my gym clothes, didn't want to waste an outfit on a silly errand" HAHA!! Right on sister! Another funny- " Ah man! Already got my jeans dirty! Day1"
ps- same girl is not going to wash her clothes to gain more perspective.

As I have prayed through this study, I do want a perspective shift. I am coming off what I like to call my hurricane. A kid with cancer one year, 2 years later a kid born with her liver on the outside of her body. All of which turned out ok. During that Hurricane season, my faith was FIERCE. Jesus and me were tight. I knew that I knew my strength was in Him and Him alone. Season over, everyone is healthy, life has resumed some what normally, and I'm left in aftermath mode. Cleaning up of my once raw emotions. Dealing with fears rooted so deep from having not one but two kids with health issues. Fears people. I can not feel a twinge in my body or see a mole on another kid and not think it's cancer. Where's your faith Jen Weir??
Friends, I have no idea. My faith is dryer than dry. I love the Lord, pray daily, seek Him and all that. I just feel stuck.
Mad.
A lot scared.
Scared mostly of having to walk something even scarier than I have had to in the past 3 years.
So this fast of 7 means a lot more to me than getting perspective on the third world at large. I know how they live and I do want to help. I will. I'm getting there. But first I need to know my Jesus again. I need to be OK again.I'm praying that fasting this 7 weeks with allow that to happen.

Lest you think I have stayed in my bubble and not felt the pinch, I did take slippers off my list and  I will sleep in my yoga pants and t-shirt. But, I will wash my clothes... daily.

Starbucks has ruined America's values

Ok so maybe it's not altogether Starbucks' fault, being there the whole free will deal.  Our nation has lost it's sense of culture, it's sense of community and it's ability to discuss meaningful topics because of Starbucks, or the advent and crazed popularity of it. Oh I know many of you are screaming at your screen and yelling, We go to S everyday or every week and meet with our bible study, or GNO, or whatever else!!!" Read on. Hear me out. In 1978 the little wonder company flew on the scene, virtually unnoticed by most people south of Oregon.
I grew up with coffee, fresh coffee brewing almost at breakneck speed at every relatives house. Cuppa fudgey it was called. If you dare allow folks to come sans a brewed pot you were given "the look". The one that said " good Lord! What is wrong with you and where is my coffee??" The world's problems were solved over coffee. Ok I know I've written this exact same idea before. But people please it bares repeating! Coffee and the lack of community I believe is ruining our nation.
Fast forward to the age of Starbucks and all the people who grew up with coffee pots in their homes. Like me many did and it was a comfort food of sorts. The smell of it brewing brought in intense wonderful thoughts and feelings like no other aroma. It's no wonder all of us adults who were 18 in 1991 donned a plaid shirt and wandered into this magical world. Wait, hold up... This place offers not just black, or coffee with a little cream or espresso, they offer um, something called flavors?  Odd, but ok let's give it a go. Vanilla infused in my skinny latte? Well that was delightful wasn't it.
So there we were mindlessly ordering shorts, talls, and grandes with a splash of flavor. Wait what's this?? Mochas now? Ohhhh, hot cocoa WITH coffee?? Oh sweet Jesus this is truly straight from heaven. A lovely winter treat if you ask me. May I remind you I lived in Ca during the 90's, and the coldest temp I can bring to mind might be in the 50's. Still, chilly mornings right? Mostly I loved my skinny vanilla number and went about the day. Short please. Round about, oh I don't know 1997 all of a sudden no more shorts listed on the menu but tall, grande and good Lord VENTI! Because everyone needs that much caff in one sitting. Like every other blind melon I ordered my "tall" drink and nary a thought passed my brain.
Now friends comes the advent of Frappucinos, made with whole milk and a mound of whip that could choke the cow it came from. Has anyone ever stopped to look at what these glorious drinks are costing us?? I'm not talk pennies friends, I'm counting up calories.

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 24 fl oz
Amount Per Serving
Calories from Fat 150 Calories 470
% Daily Values*
Total Fat 17g		26%
	Saturated Fat 10g	50%
Cholesterol 55mg		18%
Sodium 280mg		12%
Total Carbohydrate 77g		26%
	Dietary Fiber 1g	4%
	Sugars 77g
Protein 7g
Vitamin A 10% Vitamin C 0%
Calcium 20% Iron 8%

There it is in bold print. Oh my soul, 470 calories for a beverage??? 17grams of fat, 1/4 that fat a human should consume all day is sucked down in one drink. Never mind if you add a snack to that costing another 100-200 calories. Did anyone notice the cholesterol? And people have the nerve to say high cholesterol can be hereditary. My ass! Put down your high fat, high cholesterol soaked drink and your numbers will plummet I promise!
So I went to dinner with friends three times this month. Twice I tried to order decaf coffee after my meal. Two different restaurants. Both times I waited and waited and waited til I asked for my check and left to make my own after dinner treat at home. By the time I went out third time I decided why frustrate myself and get the coffee goodness at home. I just wanted a cuppa to wash down my meal with friends. I listen, talk, communicate better with coffee in hand. Apparently now it takes a team of specialists to make a pot of decaf. The kicker is, all my friends, pre-meal ordered drinks, alcoholic of sorts and got them in record time, AND were able to order seconds and thirds. Believe me when I say I was happy to leave before any of those people hit the streets after all that consumption of alcohol. Me, all I wanted was a simple cup of coffee. Didn't even need cream.
I was deeply grieved at the way our nation has turned from this time honored tradition of gathering with friends and solving problems over little roasted beans.
We are in a culture where taste is sullied by sweets and fats, not aromas and memories. May I say our tastes have been ruined? Cheapened as it were. I'm grieved that a Sangria holds more appeal that our old friend the cuppa.
I assumed if the establishments offered Fraps, sugar Lattes and the like, you'd be able to get one lickity split!
People used to linger over after dinner coffee for hours in a restaurant. Or better yet, head over to someone's house, throw on a pot, put the kids to bed and talk. Now Starbucks closes by 10, and is not always next to the eatery you are at. Folks head home. Or folks have drank a little too much ahead of time to make much sense by 9 so the sober ones head home, devoid of meaningful chatter and deep thoughts.
In any case, we don't drink regular coffee with cream and sugar, which any person can make. We now consume, in large amounts, the beverages Starbucks only offers, which you have to be a Barista to make.
It's not legalizing gay marriage, abortion or no prayer in school that is ruining America's values my friends. It's Starbucks, and all the other high fat high sugar Coffee Establishments dotted around the country that is ripping away at the fabric of our values.  

I stopped caring when my kid got cancer

Before cancer descended on Weir,Tx, I often said what I think. Only to my super close friends though. I never had a reason to really put my life out there for all the world to see and hear about, not that I never wanted to mind you, I'm a bit of an extrovert. But it was unnecessary.  As a hairdresser for most of my life I was used to listening to other people's problems and didn't need to share all mine with every passer by. Again saving the best for my besties. Ya'll are welcome by the way.
 I have been pondering the fact that many many many many, did I say many? Many folks have commented on my blogs/carinbridge post as so raw and real. My response is often um thanks, I think. In my head of course. I know it's meant as a compliment but it sounds odd. Sort of like the first thing my father in law said to Marck about me was that I was "refreshing". HAHAHAHA!!! Thirteen years later I see why, I'm not an uptight, always says just the right thing, wears just the right thing and believes just the right thing kind of Christian.
So ok, raw and real.... My close besties have not ever said that to me, even after reading the posts. Likely because they knew me pre-cancer. I remember one friend, who I wasn't close to until post-cancer, we were chatting about the gay marriage thing and I think she about DIED when I told her I'm not against it.
And with that last line I lost most of my readers.....
meh. Moving on.
I told her from a sanctity of marriage stand point the argument is stupid because if you're going to make a law based on keeping marriage holy and pure then please make cheating on your spouse, going to strip clubs, oogling some hotty at the pool and all the other stuff illegal as well. No? Then shut it about gay marriage already.
Anywho, the reason why this must have shocked her is she had a preconceived notion of me and who I am. A Christian. eekk, follows rules, has zero fun, never swears. My husband always says one thing he loves about me is I'm soo sweet and just a little bit crass.
Enter cancer. I bet you were wondering how this all tied in. Stay with me. I started writing about my precious child having a tumor to get info out and ultimately get some free therapy in the form of my writing. I've written forever but apparently I never had anything interesting to say. It came as no surprise to some that of course I said exactly how I feel, my mom for one to be sure. I never sugar coat things. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. The one thing I did pre-cancer that changed is I softened my beliefs in front of other Christians. I cared what they thought because for most of my Christian life I was concerned I never got it right. I've ample examples of why this was true. I remember my SIL mentioned to me that if I wanted to be in a "leadership" role at church I needed to dress a little different. I wasn't a hoochy or anything I just wore jeans and t-shirts. Apparently some Jesus loving folks are offended by jeans? I didn't BTW, I just didn't pursue a leadership role. I always knew Jesus loved me no matter what. I guess no one else figured that out yet.
After the big C I had LOTS of folks interested in our journey all of a sudden. Understandably so, but I'm fairly certain most were in for a surprise to find out the real Jen Weir just stood up. I couldn't hide from churchy people anymore and I didn't care. My kid had a life threatening disease and I was pretty scared. Having always been a journaler I treated the blog as such. Laying out the nitty gritty of my soul on "paper" was something I was used to doing. If you were to read my journals you'd see the same. I've told God how crappy my day had gone or how I wanted to sell one of my children that day. Know why? Because I knew He already knew it! No need to hide from God. Adam and Eve tried that, didn't really work.  I sort of forgot in my blogging that some people who didn't know me would be reading my personal thoughts. I stopped caring. I didn't care any more who thought I was crazy for home schooling, or who was offended at my frequent use of crap, damn and shitty. Or who thought my faith just wasn't where it should be at this point in my life. If Jesus is offended or I have stepped out of line with Him, don't you worry He will let me know.
I don't play make believe very good, just ask my kids. I don't do it well in real life either. I don't follow a list of rules very well either, mostly because I'm lazy and hate to "do" a lot of unnecessary activity. Jesus doesn't ask us to do this or do that. Wear this or wear that. Listen to this or that. He says "come to Me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. My burden is easy and light". I've always known that and lived that way, I just stopped caring when my kid got cancer if other people knew.

Welcome to a day in the life of Jen's crazy brain

Weir,TX is a funny place to live in. Funny ha ha, and funny peculiar. Everyday there is something funny that goes on. Things like Jonah declaring it a " no underwear day!" Or Eden leaving the house wearing 2 different shoes. Well that one is ha ha and peculiar. It seems though that we have been going through seasons of funny peculiar. Eighteen months ago Zion was diagnosed with stage 2 melanoma. Not really funny, just crazy scary. The after math of that is like living life on a roller coaster. One minute it's a downhill party and we're throwing our hands in the air singing... oh sorry. The next we are trudging uphill through tests and biopsies and praying like crazy. 

Recently we prayed to expand our family. As many of you know God has answered that prayer with a big ol' yes! We are blessed to be expecting a baby girl. Though that has turned funny peculiar. She has some issues that will need to be fixed after she is born. Here comes the roller coaster ride again. 

In church on Sunday I barely held it together due to the fact I was plagued by scary thoughts.  We are still waiting on test results from the recent PET scan. Dr. Gloom went out of town. grrrr. Last week Zion wasn't himself, not eating much, emotional and grumpy. Just off. ( Maybe he was having sympathy pains for me) ;) 

As I fretted about him the thought came, " what if the melanoma IS in his organs? Maybe that's why he's off." What if the cancer comes back, what if my baby dies too early?? AHHH!! Before you get all Judgey Mc Judgerson on me, you try dealing with these thoughts EVERY DAMN DAY and see how well you fair. I swear it really is a minute by minute taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ for me. Some days it's only an hour by hour thing. Most days I do well and know God is good, even if Zion goes Home before I'm ready. But 4 months pregnant and hormonal isn't helpful. 

Then there is the news about Selah, our baby. Ok so it's not fatal. Yippee!! That is awesome news. But once again there are those pesky thoughts, planted, BTW by the doctors. They of course have to tell you the worst case because, well, I don't know, they'd never get a chance to be negative? :-) Things like, she could die because after all any child that has an issue of any kind could die. Or other pleasant things like she could have heart issues, from a tiny hole to major fatal surgery needed but not helpful heart issues. Because once again if a baby has issues, that also might happen. Swell. 

So you can probably see at times I might get a little crazy brain and lose it singing in church about how good and powerful and mighty God is. Yes I know all of this. I believe every single bit of it. My worries and frets have nothing to do with a lack of faith. Cuz here's why, crappy things happen everyday to people with great faith. We live in a fallen world where things unsavory happen. My frets are about " how will I deal with any or all of this?" Particularly with baby Selah. She'll likely be in the hospital for 2 weeks, in Dallas. I have 4 other people I love hanging out with, I don't live in Dallas and oh we home school. Eek. Oh and a newborn having major surgery doesn't sound inexpensive. 

So there it is. The bad and ugly of Jen Weir's brain. I hate that I can't just sail through whatever is thrown at me and not worry. There are so many unknown variables in my life right now. To a born planner that is terrifically hard. I trust Jesus more than anyone reading this will ever know. I believe He is so very good, even if the worst possible case was in my future. After we lost a baby at 5 months I thought I'd never feel joy again. I thought I would die from the pain of delivering and kissing my stillborn baby. I can still picture his sweet face and it stings my heart. But I did live, I did feel unspeakable joy. I knew joy even as we left the hospital that night. 

So as I wrestle with thoughts and feelings about the path Marck and I and the kids are walking, I know my faith is unshakable because He is unshakable. Not because of anything I can muster up, but because as I shake my fist yet again and say "It's not fair!!", He says " I know, but trust Me. I've got this." 

My very wise husband said to me yesterday, " I try not to worry about any of it because I will never be prepared for any of it till it comes." So true. I will not ever be ready to deliver a baby and have her whisked away to surgery. I will never be prepared to feel the effects of cancer returning.  I will never be prepared for any roller coaster ride that life throws my way. But God is. He already knows and is prepared. That is good enough for me. 

Debunking the Need For College

Oh yes I did go there. I lost about three fourths of you with that title. Others of you that are still reading are likely just morbidly curious. Yea for the ghoul readers! 
I was part of a fascinating conversation yesterday and it got me thinking. Actually most days I hear the  topic of college come up at least once. Here's how it usually goes, " Well you know we can't have more kids because after all there's college to pay for". Interesting reason for birth control, but I'm not going to start judging just yet. Or maybe this, " oh my child WILL go to college. That is NOT an option". To which I want to say " stand down tiger." How many people on this planet love being told by anyone they will do something?? Which brings me to my first point.
Why do kids HAVE to go to college? Is it to get a good job, with great pay and benefits? Is it to have the prestige of "making" something of themselves? Is it to make the parents feel like they've done a good job raising the kid? Oh no she didn't just say that. 
As I have been on my journey of home schooling for three years I have learned that each of my kids are vastly different in how they learn and what their interests are. Shocking yes I know. But as I hear other parents demand children go to college it makes me think how unfair. Not every child is a born learner. Many people are better with their hands, not books. Many people like to create rather than read about how to create. When we were at family camp this summer I met a college kid who I'm thinking was forced into going to college. Here's how I know; I asked him what he was studying and he said " forestry management". What the what. Oh and he has a minor in business. I about died laughing because here's what I think happened in that family. " Hey son you're going to college". "No I'm not, I want to be a park ranger." "Oh no, you WILL get a degree". "Ok fine, I'll go to college and become a park ranger!". BAHAHAHA!!  Those parents are spending crazy money so their son could be come Mr. Park Ranger. 
Which brings me to another point. Making a lot of money because you went to college. Um, this may come as a huge shock to you all but I did not go to college and when I worked in a salon I made a ridiculous amount of money for cutting hair. And then when I taught people to color hair, I made an even more ridiculous amount of money. I never went into cutting hair to make a lot of money. I did it because I knew my parents couldn't afford to put me through college so I thought I'd do it myself. By God's grace I "fell" into my passion and it has been the best thing ever! My whole family was outraged because I was wasting my artistic talent by being a lowly hairdresser. Being a woman who tries not to use bad language I won't tell you what I thought of them, but basically I want to sing along with Toby Keith, How You Like Me Now?? Indecently, he never wen tto college.  Particularly since now I get to stay home with my little people AND home school AND get to make some money on the side. How cool is my life?? 
So as I listen to other parents worry and fret about college and push getting scholarships or saving crazy money for their little prodigies to go, I wonder has anyone ever asked their child if they even want to go? Has anyone ever ask their child what makes them tick? Or what their passion is? I've watched 18 year old kids, boys in particular wander aimlessly through college miserable because they'd rather be somewhere, anywhere else but there. 
Zion has wanted to go into the military for ever. I couldn't be more proud of my kids if they even consider serving our nation. Recently he has decided he'd like to drive a fork lift for Briggs Equipment as a result of a recent tour of their facility. I would be just as proud. Eden wants to own a shop, and live in a hole in the ground. The last one makes me scratch my head a little but still would be just as proud and definitely look for opportunities to brag on my babies at dinner parties. Instead of forcing the idea of college on them, I want to encourage them to seek the Lord and see what His will and plan for their lives would be. Seeking Jesus for every decision is what I would be most proud of. 
My last point. Raise your hand if you are still paying on student loans. Your student loans. Raise your hand if you paid for them WELL past the amount of years you were in college. Four year universities are such a rip off. Oh dear I think now I've stepped on some tender toes. :-) Oh well, it's my blog. Paying for that much of college when the kid is not clear yet of what they want to do is crazy. Community college is a beautiful thing. How many of us have picked our doctors because they went to a 4 year university? I couldn't even tell you what college Zion's oncologists went to. All I know if everyone says they are the best in their field. No one has ever mentioned whether they started in cc or not. The point is no one cares. Only their parents cared I'm sure. 
So there it is. I'm not a fan of college. I'm a fan of encouraging my child in the gifts and talents God has given them. Once they figure that out, then praying with them to see what path God has for them to take.
Here's a list of people who never went to college. I'm sure they don't regret their choice. :-) 
Mary Kay Ash
Halle Berry 
Micheal Dell ( computer geek) 
Henry Ford ( yea for cars!) 
Bill Gates ( named richest person by Forbes 27 times, probably because he's not still paying on loans) 
Andrew Jackson
Rachel Ray ( I know I have a few of her cookbooks)
J.D. Rockefeller ( high school drop out) 
Steven Spielberg 
Mark Zuckerberg ( all of us on Facebook are grateful!) (and one of America's top 400 richest people)
Walt Disney (YEA!!! for Disney) 
Charles Dickens
Tommy Lasorda
Steve Wozniak ( the other Apple guy) 
Lucille Ball ( high school dropout) 
David Byrne ( currently listening to his music as I write) 
Sean Combs ( ok well, maybe he's not a good example) 
Simon Cowell 
Snoop Dogg ( ok, maybe I should stop with the rappers) 
Micheal J Fox ( high school drop out)
Ralph Lauren 
Wolfgang Puck ( let's hear it for yummy's!!)
JK Rowling ( I believe she was about homeless before the books got published)
Gwen Stefani ( Quoted as saying" school was just really hard for me. I didn’t want to fail. I wanted to be smart! But I was really dreaming. … It makes me sad when I think about it. I still have nightmares about tests.”) 
Thank you Gwen you've just summed up most of my point. Think I need to listen to a little "Happy Now" 

I realize I make many folks crazy this time of year with my constant chatter about Christmas music and Christmas talk. I thought I'd share with you all my reasoning for my love for the season and why frankly I'd love it if Christmas season were year round!
The reason I celebrate Christmas is because of Christ, not gifts. I love Christmas because I love Christ, not gifts. I like getting gifts, sort of, but I LOVE giving them. Really. What I love most about the season is how much it makes me focus on Christ. Throughout the year it is a daily reminder to myself that this life is NOT about me. It's not about my hopes and dreams, it's about His hopes and dreams for me. So my mind often struggles to look to Christ each day and seek out His will and His heart. During the Christmas season though I find it extremely easy to seek Him. It's everywhere around me. When I turn on my radio, when I think of the gifts I'm giving this year and even when I'm baking. After all, as I have mentioned in earlier posts food and eating is sooo biblical.
Mostly though my heart is focused on Him when I listen to Christmas music. Did you realize that most music we listen to between December 1st and the 25th is actually not " Christmas" music but beautiful hymns rich in history and worship? I'm fairly certain they have become "seasonal" due to our lust for more commercial and more about us. Why else would people get so crazy about playing Christmas music before Halloween? It reminds them of spending too early. It reminds us that we only have 50 shopping days.  It should remind us of Him, and His sacrifice.
Have you ever seen or heard Handel's Messiah?? When I hear the Hallelujah Chorus I can not help but shout at the top of my lungs, "FOREVER FOREVER HALLELUJAH!!! KING OF KINGS and LORD OF LORDS!" Right? Anybody else? Yes, my kids shrink down a bit in the car when I'm belting that out. Usually I'm alone. Think about it. If you know Jesus, is there a better sound than a hundred voices singing that chorus? Who cares if it's July 1st? It's says FOREVER, HALLELUJAH! Not, "It's DECEMBER! HALLELUJAH!".
Please forgive me for my passion and zeal for this season. It's the one time of year even people who don't know the Lord are singing about Him. It is a wonderful time of year. We are all so much more thoughtful, cheerful. I get so tickled when I hear the music at the market too. It makes everyone shop a little more happier. Why? Not because they are singing a Christmas song in their heads, but because they are singing about CHRIST. When our minds are fixed on Him, our attitudes change dramatically. Whether you like it or not that's what the season is all about.
Just ask Linus.
Please enjoy the link before. It's a bit unorthodox though I imagine Handel would have loved to see his piece sung at Macy's.
 http://youtu.be/wp_RHnQ-jgU

Home school kids are weird

Well, isn't that what you say when you think home schooling? I've said it. I've said it about my own children. *gasp*!
Dictionary.com defines weird this way;
1. involving or suggesting the supernatural,
2. fantastic; bizarre

Well, unless you're saying kids who are home schooled are supernatural, which from a godly perspective that is great, then you must be saying that these kids are fantastic.
Which I'm guessing is not the meaning behind the " home school kids are weird" comment. At least it wasn't my intention at first.

You see as we have gone on this adventure for the past 3 years, I have had all sorts if comments and concerns. Rightly so since home schooling is different. Different. There's another word thrown around when talking about home schooled kids. As I have watched my children grow in the past 3 years it has amazed me that what I thought was weird, really IS weird, but in the true sense of the weird. Fantastic and supernatural! My goal when I had kids was never to help them fit in. Or to help them be "normal". My husband and I have always been far from that. Hence the mismatched socks on Marck and the blue or pink hair I'd sport from time to time. Or the disdain we have for credit cards and would rather go without than have it now and be in debt. Being different has it's perks. No one expects you to be like them. They almost freak out if you do anything mainstream. However, when you pull something on your community like pull your kids out of school you're bound to get a bit more grief than if you'd just colored your hair pink and worn mismatched socks to the Kroger.

Weird. Here's how my kids are weird. Yesterday they played bookstore. Before that they turned out whole house into a train, complete with compartments and a dining car. (we've recently taken a train ride). For a halloween party they made their own costumes. weeeeird.
They have recently built a whaling ship out of Legos, from learning about Japan a few weeks back, last week Canon made a Parthenon out of playdoh. Greece you know. They have also painted laying on their backs after learning about Michelangelo and this week since we are studying Germany they have been playing Lego castles.

Their play isn't mainstream I guess.  They don't berate each other for being different, instead encourage each other's ideas. This is something I am deeply grieved about when I hear other kids do that. They build each other up and protect each other. Their whole world is learning and growing and becoming better people for the community around them. They have a desire for the lost in our world and the ones who are hurting. They think about heaven, a lot, and they wonder when they will get to go there. They are not concerned with other people think about them.

The word weird has taken on a whole new meaning for me. The appropriate meaning. I love that my kids wear clothes that make them look a step away from homeless, or at least blind. I love to see them express themselves with abandon. It tickles me to hear them dream of living in Thailand because it sounds like a place you wear ties, or to pray they get to see a real castle someday soon. I'd rather they be "weird" and dream and create and grow and become fantastic people than to mold into mainstream and be lifeless and dull. My guess is Einstein, Lincoln, the Wright brothers, Amelia and all the rest of those lovely people were considered weird. And truly they were fantastic! Aren't you glad they were?

9-11.....

I found myself oddly sad this week with all the talk of 9-11 memorials coming up for tomorrow. I mean, I wasn't in New York City, or Pennsylvania, or even Washington DC that day 10 years ago. No, I was sleeping with my precious newborn baby boy when my husband called to tell me a plane had ran into a building. 
Yet I feel sad each year as the date passes. I guess I feel sad because of how the world changed for me that day. As a new mom everything was scary anyway. Now our country was thrust into a war that we never wanted to get into. As an Army brat I knew that terrorism could be scary. I had heard my parents talk when I was growing up about things that most kids my age didn't have a clue about. Bombs exploding places, men being killed in training accidents. Nope, my parents apparently didn't believe in sheltering. Ha! But I never really expected anything bad to happen in the States. That stuff happened where all the crazy people live. 
On that day I remember my grandma called to check in on me and the baby. She said something that I will never forget. She said that she remembered when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and that my generation didn't have any idea what this all would mean for us. 
I thought about that and how she must have felt, being 75 years old watching history repeat itself. Watching an attack in our nation yet again. Knowing that it would cost countless more lives in the months and years to come because of impending war. 
Ten years have passed so quickly. I imagine though for all the families that lost loved ones that day it passed like a snail in a snow storm. I imagine that for families who have lost their babies to an ugly war in Afghanistan time has also crept along. For the rest of us, we've continued to have babies, move houses, embark into little league, and just move forward. 
September 11th didn't really change how I lived, I've had other life changing events occur that did. But it did make me see the world differently than I had previously. I heard a 9-11 survivor say recently, " when death comes knocking on your door it WILL NOT matter what kind of house you live in. It WILL NOT matter what school you went to or what job you had." 
Death will come for all of us one day and when we look back, what will we have done? Have we made peace with God? Have we lived for Him or ourselves. It doesn't matter if you don't believe in God, when we leave this planet He will be there waiting. 
As I remember this event in our nations history I'm reminded of a quote from Edmund Burke, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."  
I hope that as a nation and as individuals we would see the world different. We would see that to do nothing in this life is to let evil triumph. To live for One who created us to do good in this world is far greater than gaining goodies and accolades. To look out not for our own interests but also for the interests of others.

Mayberry's not all it's cracked up to be

Yesterday there was a shooting in our community. As I watched that on the news I got a little home sick.

Apparently some drug deal gone bad, as if those ever go well. A few weeks ago there was a murder at the local Wal-Mart. Nothing good happens at Wal-Mart. A couple of months before that there was a murder and the body was found in our town. What?? How could all this be happening right here in our own sweet little piece of Mayberry?
Recently we had the blessing of being at a family camp and our week consisted of families who have or currently have kids with cancer. Wow. Amazing. Since I've been home it's been hard to get back to life in Frisco.  Not for the typical, " I want to still be on vacation" reasons. My reasons were deeper than that. We met some incredible families. Families that as you might have guessed had some crappy things going on. Not once during the week did we chat about the Vera Bradley store going in at Stonebriar. Not once did anyone mention they couldn't find just that perfect shade of green to go with their curtains. These people had much bigger issues going on. They didn't have time or likely energy to worry about such trivial things.
Tonight I mentioned to a few ladies that Frisco is too Mayberry. As I looked at their visibly shocked faces it hit me why I detest the Mayberry-ness of our town. Mayberry is vanilla. Plain, boring, routine.  We go day to day worrying about our silliness that we forget there is a hurting and dying world not 30 miles from here.
We forget that not even 2 miles down the road folks are going hungry as we sip our $5 lattes.
I am including myself in the worries of the mundane. Someone recently said to me I needed to come back to earth and be thinking about Weir, TX.  Weird. I've never been told to think about my own family and it made me want to scream.
I've written about this before but going down to Dallas weekly for awhile opened my eyes. I had been trapped in Mayberry for 6 years thinking only of our family and what schooling to give my children,gosh, should we public school or home school? Will they be too unsocial? Will they be made fun of because they don't play sports? Um, yep and yep. When we lived in Ca hurting and needy people were everywhere. There was always a homeless person outside of Trader Joe's, or at least in the back. You could count on the guy selling oranges and the end of the freeway ramp. I miss his oranges... *sigh*
When I worked in Santa Monica there was a homeless man who lived literally on our doorstep. No one shooed him away, we gave him lunches and dinners. Money, whatever we could.
So the shootings. While I'm not excited that there is seemingly random violence in our town, I am excited that the yuck of the world has found it's way to Frisco. I'm excited that there might be drug dealers in our community that we can reach out to, who need to know there is Someone who loves them and longs for them to know Him. I'm excited to think there would be things that happen in our community that would stretch us and grow us. I'm not just talking about bringing a meal when bad news comes from the doctor.
 I understand many would want it to just go away. I get that. Feeling safe is nice. It's well, safe. BUT, personal growth never happens when we're feeling safe. We can never look past our own fancy pants to see needs of others if we're comfortable. At least I can't.
A year ago I was fretting about how I was going to survive 10 days without my husband with my 4 rugrats while he traipsed off to Russia. Now I look back and think how sad and selfish. How sad that I would not long to have some sweet time with my people and how selfish that I would even think of not wanting Marck to serve Russia and love on those people.
Mayberry, a place to raise your family in utter safety without a hint of ugliness. However, I have learned that in Mayberry there's a huge focus on safety and comfort. I long to have Weir,TX focused on character development and others who are in need.

Phew! We made it!

Here we are, May 25th and we've made it! My goal was to be finished with school the 26th, before hubby's and my birthdays( after all who wants to teach on their birthdays!), and we are! Looking back on our year this my friends is nothing short of a miracle. On our second day of the school we got a lovely phone call that changed our lives forever. And turns out changed the big plans I had for this school year. We were going to go on field trips to museums and train rides and factories that made bread! Heck it was going to be the best school experience my kids had ever had. That wasn't the way things went down. Our fab field trips turned out to be just Children's hospital at least once a week with an overnight stay that wasn't exactly the Hyatt. When most of Texas was hunkered down because of ice storms and worried about when they will see the outside world again, we were traipsing all over DFW getting tests and lymph nodes removed.
Throughout the year I had been known to throw a tantrum at the Lord and shake my sorry fist at Him and say" this wasn't my PLAN!!" "This SUCKS!!". I was not only mad at the reason for the interruption but the fact that we couldn't do all the things we planned. The kids didn't learn a lick of world history or geography like I had planned. Would they be illiterate? In one of rants and raves I suddenly realized all that was fluff. God showed me if they are reading, writing, and doing math, they are perfectly fine. But me being the type A over achiever that was hard to swallow. It was hard to take that my perfect plan was not only interrupted but it would never come to pass. So gently God whispered, " you ways are not My ways". Oh snap! No kidding right? I had forgotten that through praying for healing for Zion that God was also working a work in everyone else in Weir,Tx. He was working on our characters, our view of the rest of the world. He was drawing us closer to each other and to Him.
So where my children didn't take a lot of tests, and they may not yet know how many countries are in Africa,(hell husband can't tell you that either), but they can tell you about a little girl who is fighting for her life that they pray for often. They can tell you what it means to give your extra pennies to buy a toy for a child who is getting some awful tests done that day. They can tell you that they know how to pray for their brother to not get cancer again. My favorite part is that if you asked them who their best friend is they would say without hesitation it's each other.  I love how close we are now. I love that instead of sticking to my rigid curriculum I check in with the Lord and see what He wants to work on.
God's plan is truly amazing. My goal for the 2011-2012 school year is to listen to His voice and follow His plan for our family. That and watch the summer Olympics! :-) Maybe His plan would include us going to London?? Happy Summer friends!!

She's eight now...

Oh my baby girl turned 8 today! I can't believe she's so old now! Eight feels huge. As I watched her open her gifts and enjoy her time at Amazing Jakes I couldn't help but feel a little sad. In 10 years she will be headed off to college. I know, that's a long time off. But not really. Just a minute ago I was rocking her to sleep in our California home as a new born. Just a blip ago I was swaddling her up tight so she'd sleep through the night. Eight years flew by so I'm sure 10 will go even faster.
 As I watched her with her head phones in her ears playing cat physics, I thought here we go. The time when the ears are plugged and the tuning mom out begins. It can't be here already! I'm not ready to vie for her attention. I'm not ready to compete with outside information. Ready or not here it is.
So she's 8. Not a huge age but still some how it feels big to me. Maybe with her brother on the horizon of 10 and littler brother starting kindergarten this fall everything is sailing past me.
I'm reminded tonight that this moment is passing to quick. The bible reminds us that we are here today and tomorrow we are like faded flowers. I am reminded tonight that my baby girl isn't a baby any more. She is all too quickly growing into a young lady and soon a young woman.
I pray that as she continues to grow time wouldn't pass too quick.That we'd celebrate each day as if it were her special day. I pray that though I say I try to live everyday on purpose with her, that I actually would. Lastly I pray she would know how much she is treasured in Weir,Tx. Life is so full and so rich with Eden Weir in our midst.

It's been a week, and I'm still giddy!

Yep, a whole we since In and Out graced us with it's presence. Can't you just hear the angels in heaven singing?? No, wait til Trader's comes! Then you'll hear it!
Over the past week I have been so amused at all the Fb postings about this glorious place. Really, all the slander. All the hatred over why on God's green earth would we ever stand in line for a burger. After all it is just a burger. I mean, I have read some pretty hateful things. Really. To top it off there was a woman at baseball the other day who was ready to SPIT NAILS she was so irritated about the line. She say's, ugh, IT"S JUST A HAMBUGER!!". And she was all sour puss looking when she said it. To which, of course I told her to simmer down Missy. Some of us enjoy the lines and the stupid burger. :-)
It's made me laugh really at my community and how people get worked up over the DUMBEST things. That's me shouting BTW. What does it matter to you if I stand in a line for hours for a burger? Why does it bother you soo much? The same folks complaining about people standing in line are the very same ones who think nothing of spending crazy money on sports, phones, or electronics for their kids! You don't see me picketing and rioting on FB about it do you? Nope, I let them be crazy in their own way not even mentioning the fact that their kids might turn out to be monsters later in life. Yep never say a word about it.
It's just been hilarious. I've never in my life seen so much uproar over a hamburger. I imagine that In and Out would thank all those people who got so bent out of shape. Likely because of them those who wouldn't have even given it a thought now are curious and head their way to spend their money. I guess I should thank them. More interest in the place will keep it thriving that much longer.
Some people value gadgets, some clothes, still others cars. Me, it's food. Food and coffee. I'm giddy it's here! I'm over joyed Trader's is coming. I have mentioned but in case you forgot, there is going to be a feast in heaven remember! I believe God is giddy over food too. :-)
Just one more reason why this place is fantastic... Twisted Root for our family of 6: $72, In and Out for our family of 6: $20.

In and Out...What is that Hamburger All About?

As most of you know I have waited with baited breath for In and Out to open. I promise you when I tell you that I have prayed for one to come to Texas, believe me I  have PRAYED. I also prayed for Trader Joe's to come and looky here! It's coming!! Never underestimate the power of prayer.
Sorry, I digress. So here we are opening day! Most of you from TX are wondering what's the big deal anyway? Why are all the West Coast folks so crazy excited that we would consider or even really go camp out a night before? Well I'm here to give you my reasons for excitement.
I have heard people say, " oh that place isn't that good!" Before I haul off and slap them smartly about the head I have to remember In and Out is not really about the food. It's all about the experience and if you didn't grow up in CA you likely will not appreciate the burger. The menu itself is a work of art in it's simplicity. There are few things on the menu. Hamburgers, fries, sodas and shakes. That's it. There is the "secret" menu. For heaven's sake it's not a secret menu already! It's just that if you haven't been going to In and Out for a hundred years you don't know there are other options. Like going to Starbucks and not knowing you can order a short cup rather than tall. You would however know that if you've been going to Starbucks since you were a young girl fresh out of high school, wide eyes at the opportunity to buy a beautiful cup of coffee any time you wanted.
Digressing again.
Also with the menu is the items on the menu are not gross and laden with grease, oil or mayo. WHATABURGER! That is just sick and wrong. Everything is fresh as a daisy. The lettuce, the tomato the bun, oh that toasty bun. Everything is just crispy fresh.
After the menu is the little tiny scripture verses printed on the bottoms of the cups. Just the reference, like John 3:16. I just LOVE that! I love that they are willing to put something wonderful on their product that might get people pointed to God. Love love love it!
Lastly you have the whole experience. After a day at the beach, you see the palm trees and the familiar red and white checkered tile in the distance and you think, " nothing would finish this amazing day at the beach like a double double washed down by a Coke!" You walk in, the people are so friendly and patient as you hem and ha over animal style or plain. They have those cute aprons with the ENORMOUS safety pin holding them on. I love those! Or after a long night at work and you really could use a good yummy burger... In and Out is there for you.
So that's it. As you stand in line for 3 hours today or drive by thinking those  people are stone cold crazy, remember it's a memory we are capturing. It's a taste of something that is just not available in the great American Fat Lands. For those of us who have longed for it for years and years, please let us have our moment without the criticism. We have put up with nasty grease burgers for so long. Let us enjoy our beautiful burgers and fries. And no, Mooyah's is not the same, and neither is GoGo burger. Just a sad not so cheap  imitation.
Happy In and Out day everyone!!

Cancer sucks

In the past 16 months there have been 4 cases of cancer diagnosis in my neighborhood alone. One of which was my precious child. In ONE year!! The bad news keeps coming. It keeps getting worse. It feels like our whole community is under cancer attack. I hate cancer. I hate everything that it does and everything that it means. I hate that people have to fight this hateful disease.
The feeling you feel when you hear the words, "your wife, your husband your son has cancer", is unexplainable. I can't even relate to you the sick feeling it brings up. Even just thinking back for me makes me cry and feel that wave of panic mixed with terror.  To know it keeps happening in our community is heartbreaking. It's so unfair. If you know me for 5 seconds you know I don't believe in fair. To me fair is where a pig wins a prize. When dealing with cancer however I'm all about this sucks and it isn't fair!! Another sweet family has to walk this road of chemo and surgeries. Another set of children have to wonder, wonder about who knows what, but still wonder.
Before Zion was diagnosed I was the ultimate PollyAnna in the face of cancers and illnesses. "Everything will be just fine!", "God's got this!". He does. However looking back that was the crappiest thing I could have said to anyone in this situation. I knew God was in control of our situation. But I was afraid. I didn't want to hear "all things work together for good". Really? I couldn't hear another encouraging word. Words are so meaningless when your heart hurts so much you literally think it'll break.
As I have heard  of more  illness, not just in our community but in the circle of people I know, I am at a loss of what to say. I know my God is in control. I know He is walking with each family who is suffering. He is the only thing that can ease the suffering.  No amount of cards, happy's, and for goodness sakes casseroles is going to take away the cancer.
 When people would drop off gifts or meals or little happy's to us while we walked the cancer road with Zion it was so sweet of them to think of us. Yet when they drove away I would always be just a little bit angry that they got to go home and hug their healthy child and live a carefree life. I would walk back in the house and hug my baby who had this ugly mean tumor on him. It wasn't fair. As I have encountered others now going through a similar experience I've become acutely aware that they be irritated at times because I can walk away healthy. So for now instead of a meal or a gift I'll pray.
 When you don't know what to do or say, just pray. That's it? Yes, that's it friends.  NOTHING in this world can calm your heart like God can. NOTHING can bring peace like the power of God. And NOTHING can heal someone miraculously with cancer like God can. I can not make enough meals to take away cancer. But I know the One who can work miracles in my friends. The doctors can tell you the diagnosis but only God knows the prognosis. I don't understand why prayer works I just know it does.

Tonight as I sit here feeling helpless I'll be on my knees. Unfortunately I have a list of folks I know suffering through cancer and crappy illnesses. Many of you know someone who has cancer now or has had it in the past. I would encourage you to stop and pray for them, right now.

Glad you were there for me on a Sunday

As we drove to church this past Sunday I was wondering to myself why people have to work on Sundays. Even if you're not a church goer Sunday should be a day of rest, for everyone. A day to just be with family whether it's church family or immediate family. I wondered that particularly as I drove down the Tollway and saw these poor workers slaving away on yet another road project. Texas used to look so pretty until they started jacking up the roads because of all those California people moved here. :-) Oh well, we live in an age where things get done or purchased no matter what day it is, without regard for resting or family time. 
I was thinking maybe I'll just stop shopping on Sunday all together. Really rarely do I need to anyway so just make it a blanket never again! That's it, no more supporting those heathen's who keeps stores and other businesses open on Sundays!
We roll into the parking lot, freakishly early I might add, which is a miracle in itself. Have you ever tried to wrangle 6 people to church by 8:30a.m.? It's a feat! We turn off the car start out when we hear," I DON"T HAVE ANY SHOES!". No she didn't. Our little bohemian who is hard pressed to throw shoes on in the first place is at church in a pretty dress, sans shoes. The crazy part is, it's not the first time she has gone somewhere and forgotten shoes. I have told her in the past to keep a spare in the car! I can't even get mad at this point because it's so ridiculous. It's so our life! Back on the seat belts go and we're off to find any place open this early to by her flip flops. Now had we been in Los Angeles, we could have bought some off of a homeless guy. But here in Fancy Pants Texas you are not likely to find that kind of luck.
First Marck thinks we should head to a gas station and just get the summer flip flops they sell. You know the kind, maybe with a Budweiser simple on it. Here's me, um let's try Target first. We pull our minivan into the parking lots and well what do you know, it's open! I can't believe I doubted it would be. After all up the road there are a bunch of guys working on the highway Target better be open. 
I can't believe after only 10 minutes of my resolution to send a message and not shop on Sundays here I am buying my hippie a pair of shoes so I don't die of shame at church! Damn the luck. 
I wish I could wrap this up with some clever moral, some word from the Lord that I got while standing in line. I wish I could say I won't shop on Sundays. I can't because we all know where that got me. I got nothin'. Nope, just a $10 pair of summer shoes and a funny Sunday story. So glad Target has no regard for the Sabbath.