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Saturday, October 5, 2013

Pride Comes Before Sleepless Nights

Our favorite way to sleep
" Just think honey, she'll be sleeping through the night before she even gets home!". Famous last words I spoke to my hubby while 6 months pregnant with our sweet baby girl. We knew she was destined to be in the NICU and likely be in there for at least 3 months. Not awesome. However if you spend a minute in Weir,Tx you know we are prone to look at the sunny side of life. There it was, the proverbial silver lining in an otherwise crap situation.

Miracle of all miracles tiny girl was home in one month and one day! Awesome!! Un-awesome was that we had to wake her every TWO hours. Never mind that I had already been up every night since she was born every 3 hours to pump. It's one thing to nurse a newborn every 3 hours, cuddling your bundle. But to be hooked to a machine like a common cow is not especially fun. Not a schedule in sight for Selah Jane or momma.
At six months we're given the green light to 'let her cry it out and sleep on through the night'....
Oh hell to the no.

First thing miss doctor pants, is I was away from this precious angel for 32 days every single night. I cried many nights missing her. I cried driving home missing her. As far as I could tell there's be no more crying up in here.

Second, little ma'am was so used to getting her tiny belly satisfied every few hours she wasn't buying the "new" routine.
Enter extremely tired me.
Many nights I begged the Lord to help her sleep. Begged people. I prayed night after night, I fasted, I told Him His Word says He gives sleep to those He loves!! Then I was all sassy tantrum about it and said, " fine! I guess You just don't love me then!!".
Can you just see God face palming Himself and shaking His head?

Rocking little girl one night I had a revelation.
I had spent so much time away from her that she AND I needed these quiet moments together. We needed to love on one another, to bond more, to get away from the chaos that comes with Weir,Tx.

I needed time with our Savior to pray over her, to ask for extra grace each morning with my other people.
I needed time with Him in the quiet wee hours of the day to just sit, to hear Him whisper, " I do love you. More than you can even comprehend."

In the past thirteen months I haven't slept more than 4 hours at a time. And that would be a great night ya'll. But I have known the Lord like never before. More than ever I know His ways are not my ways and you know what? They are so much better.

I've stopped praying that she'd sleep. It will come. It did for everyone else. I've since started praying to see His goodness in the midst of the tired days. To see His hand carrying me through another day with joy.

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